The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru
by Lilah Neal
Summary: Would an inuyoukai, by any other name, still be as deadly? Or as appealing to the woman he wants as his mate? Sesshoumaru is about to find out. [Complete] Updated 16 May: Problems with last chapter fixed...I hope.
1. Act I, Part I

The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru

A Trivial Comedy for Serious People

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Cast:

Earnest Worthing: Inukai Sesshoumaru

Alergnon Moncrieff: Tsuruga Inuyasha

Gwendolyn Fairfax: Higurashi Kagome

Cecily Cardew: Kuramoto Rin

Dr. Chausible, the younger: Kaza Miroku

Dr. Chausible, the elder: Kaza Mushin

Ms. Prism, the younger: Hirai Sango

Mrs. Prism: Hirai Kaede

Gen. Moncrief: Lord Inutashio

Bunburry: Naraku

Lady Bracknell/Aunt Augusta: Nigen Kikyou

Lord Bracknell: Nigen Suikotsu

Merriman: Jaken

Lane: Myouga

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Disclaimer:

The characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko and Shonen Sunday (Shogakukan), and the play upon which this fic is so loosely based, _The Importance of Being Earnest_, belongs to Oscar Wilde and his descendants...or perhaps their lawyers. At any rate, not to me.

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ACT ONE

PART 1

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An aging servant in traditional _dôbuku sugata_ arranged the afternoon tea on a low table in a luxuriously, somewhat ostentatiously, furnished room, paying no heed to the discordant _shinobue_ music wafting in from the adjacent room. The servant sighed and straightened his back as the music ended and a young man dressed all in scarlet, with long silver hair and adorable white dog ears perched atop his head entered the room, his sharp golden eyes falling on the table. Though there was no ramen to be seen, something smelled quite good, and it was making his nose tingle.

"Did you hear what I was playing, Myouga?"

"I didn't think it polite to listen, Inuyasha-kou."

Inuyasha smirked.

"Too bad, for your sake, jijii. I don't play well – anybody can do that – but I play real loud."

Myouga nodded absently.

"Hai, wagakimi."

"Speaking of food..."

"Were we speaking of food, wagakimi?"

Inuyasha's nose twitched again, and Myouga merely sighed.

"Have you got the gyoza for Nigen-kou?"

"Hai, Inuyasha-kou."

He handed the inuhanyou a beautiful lotus-shaped serving dish made of heavily glazed celadon porcelain. Inuyasha's golden eyes widened appreciatively and he salivated a little. Spearing three on his claws, he plopped down on a cushion.

"Oh yeah...by the way, Myouga..."

He ate a dumpling.

"I saw from your scroll that on Thursday night, when that yaze ookami and Inukai-san were dining with me, eight bottles of our best sake were noted as having been drank."

"Drunk, Inuyasha-kou."

Inuyasha dipped the other two gyoza into the dipping sauce and ate them at once.

"I'm not drunk."

"I wasn't saying you are, wagakimi, I just—"

Inuyasha looked at him, his cheeks full, and Myouga sighed again.

"Hai, Inuyasha-kou, eight bottles and a pint."

"Why is it that at a bachelor's place, sake just seems to fuckin' disappear?"

He glared at Myouga, as though daring him not to answer. The older demon assumed the air of the sage.

"I attribute it to the superior quality of the sake, milord. I have often observed that in married households the sake is rarely of high quality."

The inuhanyou blinked rapidly.

"Fuuuuuck. Is marriage really all that bad?"

Myouga's cheeks started to flush slightly.

"Oh it's a very pleasant state, milord. I've had very little experience with it myself up to the present, though. I was only married once, you see, due to a misunderstanding between myself and a young demoness."

Inuyasha made a face.

"I don't think I wanna know about your love life, Myouga."

"It's not a very interesting subject, Inuyasha-kou. I try not to think about much myself."

"Keh!"

He ate another gyoza and waved Myouga off.

"Arigatou."

"Not at all, Inuyasha-kou."

POOF! Myouga returned to his natural size and state, that of a tiny flea demon, and hopped away and out the door, leaving Inuyasha to ravage the refreshments alone. He started peeling an orange with his claws, his brow furrowed with thought.

"I can't believe Myouga has such a low opinion of marriage...I mean, hell! If servants don't set a good example for their masters, then what's the point of having them? Don't they have any sense of moral responsibility?"

He shoved the now peeled orange in his mouth, whole, as Myouga called from the hall,

"Inukai Sesshoumaru."

Inuyasha swallowed the orange with a dramatic gulp and turned to the door, where the tall, stately, walking iceberg that was Inukai Sesshoumaru had just entered. He arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow at the hanyou and remarked,

"Eating as usual, I see."

Inuyasha stiffened and growled just a little at the inuyoukai.

"I think it's customary in polite society to eat about now."

"I was not aware you knew anything about polite society."

They stared at each other for a few moments before Inuyasha asked,

"Where've you been since last Thursday, anyway?"

Sesshoumaru glided across the room and all but floated onto a large cushion near the corner.

"In the country."

"What do you do out there?"

Absentmindedly petting his kegawa, Sesshoumaru answered flatly,

"When this Sesshoumaru is in town, he amuses himself. When this Sesshoumaru is in the country, he amuses other people. It is excessively boring."

Inuyasha stifled a chuckle.

"Who in the hells do _you_ amuse?"

"Neighbors."

"Got nice neighbors out there in Chugoku?"

"Perfectly detestable. This Sesshoumaru never speaks to them."

"They must get a real kick outta you, then."

Inuyasha ate another gyoza, his eyes never leaving the expressionless being seated across the room from him as he asked,

"Chugoku is your prefecture, ne?"

"Aa."

Sesshoumaru's gilt gaze swept over the table in front of Inuyasha.

"Why so many cups? Why such exotic fruits? And...gyoza? You never eat gyoza."

"Baka! My Aunt Kikyou and Kagome are comin' for tea."

The barest hint of a smile tugged at the inuyoukai's mouth.

"Honto ne? Marvelous."

"Keh! Aunt Kikyou ain't gonna like you bein' here."

The smile, if it could truly be called such, faded, and Sesshoumaru's eyes darkened ever so slightly.

"Assuming this Sesshoumaru _cares_ about your aunt's opinion...why?"

"Cuz the way you flirt with Kagome is disgusting! It's almost as bad as the way Kagome flirts with you!"

"I desire Kagome. I have come to town expressly to ask her to be my mate."

Inuyasha suppressed a shudder.

"You said you came to town for pleasure. Sounds more like business."

"Your lack of romanticism surprises even this Sesshoumaru."

The hanyou shrugged.

"Keh! There's nuthin' romantic about askin' a bitch to be your mate. I mean, wanting her and all, that's romantic, but what's romantic about askin'? She might accept. They usually do, ya know. And then the thrill of the hunt is all over! I always figured the uncertainty was what made it exciting."

Sesshoumaru eyed the younger demon warily, as though the lad had just sprouted another head, as he added,

"Believe me, if I ever get mated, I'm gonna try real hard to forget about it."

"I do not doubt it. The Divorce Court was specially invented for persons whose memories are so...conveniently faulty."

"Damn right! Divorces were made in Heaven—"

He snatched the plate of gyoza up before Sesshoumaru could satisfy his curiosity and eat one.

"Hands off, Fluffy! These are for Aunt Kikyou."

"Then why are you eating them?"

Inuyasha stuffed one in his mouth as he replied,

"Duh! She's my aunt."

Taking the lid off the oden, he suggested,

"Have some oden. Kagome is devoted to oden."

The inuyoukai helped himself to a bowl and actually ate some of it.

"Hmm...and very good oden it is, too. I had no idea human food tasted so pleasant."

He finished the bowl and inhaled the aroma of the oden coming from the serving bowl. It really was quite tasty, in spite of it being human food. Inuyasha smirked at the older youkai and scoffed,

"Fuck, Sesshou! You're actin' like you're already mated to her. You're not, ya know, and I don't think you ever will be, either."

The oden forgotten, Sesshoumaru cracked his knuckles, the fragrance of his poison overpowering the scent of food, as he demanded,

"Why would you say such a thing?"

"Bitches never mate the males they flirt with. It's a rule they have, or somethin'."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"The hells it is! It's true! That's why there's so damn many unmated men runnin' around!"

He poked his bottom lip forward in a childish pout and added,

"'Sides, I don't give my consent."

"Your consent?"

Sesshoumaru, for the first time in his long life, suddenly felt the urge to laugh out loud. But he ignored this feeling and remained stoic and composed, as the inuhanyou snapped,

"Kagome is my first cousin! So, before I let you bite her on the neck and drag her off into the woods, you're gonna have to clear up the whole question of Rin."

Inwardly flinching just a hair but outwardly as placid as a frozen lake, the inuyoukai blinked once and replied calmly,

"Rin? What do you mean by Rin? This Sesshoumaru knows no one by that name."

Grinning triumphantly, Inuyasha pulled a slim, silver case of some kind from the folds of his gi. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed a fraction.

"You have had my cigarette case since Thursday last, and did not bother to inform me? This Sesshoumaru has threatened quite a few oni concerning it. I very nearly killed the last one..."

Inuyasha opened the case, his grin widening.

"Oh, whad'ya know? It ain't yours after all. The inscription is all wrong."

"You know it is mine, you have seen me with it a thousand times. And it is most improper to read what is written inside a private cigarette case."

He made a move to grab the case, but for once, Inuyasha was expecting it, and leapt onto the windowsill.

"Who cares if it's improper or not? A wise man once said that more than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read."

"I do not intend to sit here discussing modern culture with you. It is not a conversation one should have in private."

Sesshoumaru got ready to spring as he added,

"All I want is my cigarette case back."

Inuyasha hopped out the window and landed in a tree. Sesshoumaru almost frowned. Such a bother it was to try to catch something without killing it!

"Like I said, Fluffy, this ain't yours. This case is a present from somebody named Rin, and you said you didn't know anyone by that name."

With a practiced long-suffering sigh, the inuyoukai replied,

"If you must know, Rin is my aunt."

"Your aunt."

"Hai. Charming old inuyoukai she is, too...lives near Fujiyama. Now give me back my cigarette case, Inuyasha, before _someone_ gets hurts."

Ignoring the threat, Inuyasha leapt over his head and landed on the opposite side of the room, with the futon between him and Sesshoumaru, as he taunted,

"If she's your aunt, then how come she calls herself little?"

Reading from the case, he said,

"From Rin-chan with her fondest love."

Stalking Inuyasha slowly, carefully and as discreetly as possible, Sesshoumaru moved across the room.

"Some aunts are tall, some are not. This Sesshoumaru believes that is a matter for the aunt to decide for herself."

"Fine, fine...But why the fuck would your aunt call you her uncle?"

Were it possible, Sesshoumaru would have paled as Inuyasha went on to read,

"From Rin-chan, with her fondest love to her dear oji-sama, Ken. I mean, sure, fine, some aunts are short, whatever. But no matter how short the bitch is, why in the hells would she call her nephew her uncle? 'Sides, your name ain't Ken, it's Sesshoumaru."

Defeated, the inuyoukai resumed his seat on the cushion and consoled himself with glaring murderously at the hanyou as he replied,

"It is not. It is Ken."

After a few moments of slack-jawed shock, Inuyasha began to rant,

"You've always told me it was Sesshoumaru! I've introduced you to everyone as Sesshoumaru, you answer to Sesshoumaru...You look like your name is Sesshoumaru. I mean _fuck_! You the most destructive looking guy I know!"

He dropped to the floor, adding grumpily,

"I don't who you think you're kidding, saying you're name ain't Sesshoumaru. Kami! It's on your fucking cards!"

Digging one out of the case, he read,

"Inukai Sesshoumaru, C3, The Shikon."

Waving the card, Inuyasha added fiercely,

"I'm keepin' this as proof that your name is Sesshoumaru if you ever try to deny it to me, to Kagome or to anybody else!"

So saying, he tucked the card into the bountiful folds of his gi. Rubbing his temples in an attempt to stave off the migraine he felt approaching, Sesshoumaru replied tersely,

"My name is Sesshoumaru in the city and Ken in the country, and the case was given to me in the country."

Inuyasha mulled over this confession for a minute or two and, deeming it a satisfactory explanation, countered,

"All right. But that still doesn't explain this whole Rin mess. Come on, Sesshou, out with it."

"You sound like a dentist. It is vulgar to talk as such when you are not a dentist. It gives a false impression of your character."

"That's what dentists do, ne?"

He grinned at the inuyoukai, baring his fangs, as he added,

"Before you tell me, I just want you to know that I've always suspected you to be a Narakuist, and I think you're about to prove me right."

"A Narakuist? What in the Seven Hells do you mean by a Narakuist?"

"I'll show you mine after you show me yours."

Oh, this was going to be a nasty migraine. Of course, Inuyasha-induced migraines tended to be particularly irritating, much like the cause himself...

"Very well. First, produce my cigarette case."

"Here ya go."

Inuyasha handed the thing over and leaned back against the wall, getting comfortable for what he hoped would be an interesting story, as he added,

"Now 'produce' your explanation, and try not to bore me."

"There is nothing particularly exciting about the tale, Inuyasha. It is actually rather ordinary."

Sesshoumaru tucked the cigarette case into a hidden pocket in his sashinuki and explained,

"Old Toutousai, who adopted me when I was just a pup, made me in his will guardian to his granddaughter, Kuramoto Rin. Rin, who addresses me as Oji-sama from motives of respect that you could never fathom, lives at my castle in the country under the charge of my former governess' daughter, Hirai Sango."

"Just where is this castle of yours, anyway?"

"Never you mind. You are not going there, under any circumstances...though I assure you it is not in Chugoku."

"Keh! I figured as much. I've Narakued all over Chugoku Prefecture twice."

He folded his arms inside his sleeves and added,

"So...why is it that you're Sesshoumaru in town and Ken in the country?"

"I doubt you will be able to comprehend my motives, Inuyasha, considering your less than serious nature."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to say something, undoubtedly something obscene, so Sesshoumaru held up a hand, not wishing to be subjected to the younger demon's foul mouth, and continued,

"When one is given a young ningen as a ward, one must adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects. Such an attitude is conducive to neither one's health or one's happiness, as you can well imagine."

The inuhanyou nodded, remembering the lecture he received from Kagome about his language in front of Shippou, the kitsune kit she had adopted from a war orphanage, and imagined having to be on his best behavior at all times. It was a frightening prospect.

"Therefore, in order to escape the monotony of country life and my responsibilities as a father figure, I have always pretended that I had a younger half-brother named Sesshoumaru, a hanyou who lives in the Shikon, who gets into all manner of trouble. And that, Inuyasha, is the whole truth, pure and simple."

"It'll be a cold day in the burning hells when the truth is pure or simple. Modern life would be a bore if it was, and I don't think they're be any new books written, either."

"That might not be such a bad thing."

The inuyoukai could not remember the last time he had read a modern work that did not make him want to find the author or authoress and rend him or her into tiny, bloody pieces for daring to insult his intelligence with their ludicrous plots and even worse dialogue...Though there was a fellow from some rainy island nation, some years back, who he had never wanted to kill. If only Sesshoumaru could remember his name...

"Keh! Just leave the literary critique to the assholes who write in the paper every day. I think getting a college degree precludes you from doin' it right..."

Much better to nip that conversation in the bud before Sesshou—iie, Ken—_Fuck! He just doesn't look like a Ken. What in the hells am I gonna call him now?_ His cute ears twitched as he announced,

"What you are is a Narakuist. I knew I was right about you. You're actually one of the most advanced Narakuists I know."

"I have explained myself to you, Inuyasha, now I think it best if you were to explain this Narakuism to me."

"I guess I do kinda owe ya, ne?"

Inuyasha shifted a bit on his cushion, one fist on his knee while the other fist came up as a chin rest.

"You've made up this younger brother Sesshoumaru so that you can come to Kyoto whenever you want. I've created this shadowy villain guy called Naraku so that I can _leave_ Kyoto whenever I want."

Sesshoumaru arched an eyebrow as the hanyou added,

"Naraku is the best. I mean, if wasn't for him planning on taking over the world, I wouldn't be able to have dinner with you at Youjakai's, 'cuz I told Aunt Kikyou I'd eat at her place last week."

"This Sesshoumaru has not invited you to have dinner with me anywhere."

"I know. You're bad about invitations. Nothin' annoys people as much as not getting an invitation...well, 'cept maybe cowards, groveling toads or guys who wear baboon pelts."

"You should dine with Kikyou-sama."

"Like Hell! I ate there on Monday, and once a week is too often to eat with relatives if ya ask me. 'Sides, whenever I eat there, I either get stuck with Uncle Suikotsu or worse, with Uncle Jakotsu...Or I have ta sit next to Lady Kanna and watch her flirt with Uncle Bankotsu across the table! Ugh! It's disgusting. Flirting with your mate in public is like...like washing your clean clothes in front of the whole town, or somethin'."

"Really Inuyasha, your gift for metaphor is mind-boggling."

"Anyway, now that I know you're a Narakuist, I wanna talk to ya 'bout it. There's rules, ya know."

_Kon'nichi wa, migraine. Daijoubu desu ka?_

Sesshoumaru barely managed to restrain a sigh.

"This—I am not a Narakuist."

"Oh yes you are!"

"If Kagome agrees to be my mate, then I am going to kill Sesshoumaru."

Considering this a moment, he nodded slowly and went on,

"Aa, I believe I will kill him anyway. Rin is far too interested in him. So I am going to kill Sesshoumaru. And I would advise you to do the same to...your villainous friend with the absurd name."

"Fuck no! I ain't gettin' rid of Naraku!"

Inuyasha's ears swiveled forward as he leapt to his feet, all but growling out,

"And if you do get mated, which is gonna be a headache, I'm sure, then you're gonna be real glad to know Naraku."

What did this whelp know about headaches? Absolute nothing. He was never subjected to himself.

"Nonsense. If I am mated to Kagome, who is the only bitch I have ever wanted to be mated to, I will not wish to know Naraku."

"Keh! Then Kagome will. Don't you realize that three's company and two's none?"

"You have been going to see foreign plays again, haven't you? I have told you a hundred times to avoid those French dramas."

"It ain't like the happy families 'round here are proving that theory wrong."

"Drop the cynicism, Inuyasha. It is far too easy to be cynical."

"Not these days. Everything is a competition."

They suffered another staring contest, which was interrupted by a rather severe chime sounding somewhere in the house. Inuyasha's ears flattened on his skull.

"That would be Aunt Kikyou. Only relatives or creditors ring in such a Wagnerian manner."

Kami-sama! The pup had heard of Wagner? Wait...he had dragged the lad to the opera. Sesshoumaru felt somewhat pleased by the knowledge that the gruff hanyou had actually retained some of the information gained at the opera. Shocked, naturally, but definitely pleased. Perhaps there was hope for Inuyasha yet.

"Listen, Sesshou, if I can get you a few minutes alone with Kagome so you can ask her to be your mate, can we go to Youjakai's for dinner tonight?"

"I suppose so, if you want to, Inuyasha."

"You'd better be serious. I hate it when people aren't serious about food..."

Myouga's tiny form sprang into the room, all four arms flailing as he chirped,

"Nigen-kou and Higurashi-dono."

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A full description of what constitutes a dôbuku sugata, along with other things, can be found here:

http // www . sengokudaimyo . com / garb / garb . html

The main site ( http // www . sengokudiamyo . com ) has links to other areas of interest, like the history of Japanese armor.

And here you'll find some information on the shinobue:

http // www . mejiro-jp . com / eng / eshinofaq . hmtl

Ah, poor Inu-kun, having to play a flute...Heh. Anyways, I picked the shinobue because that one is often used in local festivals, so it seemed like less of a stretch for Inuyasha to be familiar with it.


	2. Act I, Part II

The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru

A Trivial Comedy for Serious People

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Cast:

Earnest Worthing: Inukai Sesshoumaru

Alergnon Moncrieff: Tsuruga Inuyasha

Gwendolyn Fairfax: Higurashi Kagome

Cecily Cardew: Kuramoto Rin

Dr. Chausible, the younger: Kaza Miroku

Dr. Chausible, the elder: Kaza Mushin

Ms. Prism, the younger: Hirai Sango

Mrs. Prism: Hirai Kaede

Gen. Moncrief: Lord Inutashio

Bunburry: Naraku

Lady Bracknell/Aunt Augusta: Nigen Kikyou

Lord Bracknell: Nigen Suikotsu

Merriman: Jaken

Lane: Myouga

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Disclaimer:

I own nothing herein, save the idea.

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ACT ONE

PART 2

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Myouga's tiny form sprang into the room, all four arms flailing as he chirped,

"Nigen-kou and Higurashi-dono."

Inuyasha moved forward to greet them, bowing a little awkwardly to Kikyou as she swept in, dressed in a layers of different shades of blue silk, her face almost as serene as Sesshoumaru's own as she said,

"Kon'nichi wa, Inuyasha. I trust you have been behaving yourself?"

"Er...I been...feelin' just fine, Aunt Kikyou."

"That is hardly the same thing, Inuyasha. Actually, the two things rarely go together..."

Now her grey eyes fell upon Sesshoumaru, standing like a statue somewhat behind Inuyasha, and she bowed stiffly.

"Inukai-san."

"Nigen-kou."

He returned the bow with grace as the hanyou now turned to the vision of loveliness clad in flattering shades of green.

"Damn, Kagome, you look beautiful."

Kagome's grey-blue eyes lit up at the compliment and she tossed her hair over her shoulder as she replied,

"Sofu-dono picks out my kimonos, so I always look beautiful. Wouldn't you agree, Inukai-san?"

"You are quite perfect."

Grey-blue met gold across the room and Inuyasha could have sworn his hair was standing on end from the electricity. Kagome blushed faintly and shook her head at Sesshoumaru.

"I hope I'm not perfect, Inukai-san, because that would leave no room for development, and I intend to develop in many directions."

"Indeed."

The inuyoukai forced his eyes to remain on the girl's face as he escorted her to the larger cushions in the corner, reminding himself that if she did indeed become his mate, there would be plenty of time to discover what lay beyond...

_Kami-sama. That houshi and his lechery are starting to rub off on me._

Sesshoumaru and Kagome sat down together, her hand lingering on his arm a moment longer than was necessary to simply steady herself. She smiled up at him and whispered an "Arigatou," as Kikyou seated herself gracefully in front of the table, opposite Inuyasha, and explained,

"I'm sorry we're late, but I had to call on dear Lady Abi this afternoon. I hadn't been to see her since her mate died. It's amazing, really. She looks ten years younger."

Smoothing the folds of her kimono, she added,

"Now I would like a cup of tea and a few of those gyoza you promised me."

Inuyasha nodded and poured her tea, as she turned to Kagome and suggested sternly,

"Won't you sit here, Kagome?"

"Arigatou, Sofu-dono, but I'm quite comfortable where I am."

She beamed at her mother, as Kikyou's attention was diverted by Inuyasha staring in horror at the empty plate where the gyoza had been and growling,

"Holy — Myouga! Why aren't there any gyoza for Kikyou-sama? I ordered them specially!"

Myouga hopped onto his young lord's shoulder and replied gravely,

"There were no scallions in the market today. I went down twice, wagakimi."

"No scallions?"

"Iie, not even for ready money."

"I see...Arigatou, Myouga."

The flea bowed and hopped away, as Inuyasha set the empty dish down with a frown.

"I'm sorry, Aunt Kikyou, that there weren't any scallions, not even for ready money."

Kikyou waved his excuse a side with a slender hand and sipped her tea.

"It doesn't matter, Inuyasha. I had mochi and dim sum with Lady Abi...she, apparently, is living only for pleasure now."

"Did her hair really turn gold from grief?"

"It has certainly changed its color, but the cause is unknown."

She and Inuyasha exchanged a look, and the hanyou grinned broadly.

_Grief, my ass._

Kikyou closed her eyes and sipped her tea, lowering her cup to say,

"Now Inuyasha, about dinner tonight..."

The inuhanyou winced and sighed, his ears twitching as he began,

"Hai, about that...I'm sorry, Aunt Kikyou, but..."

His eyes darted to Sesshoumaru, catching the older youkai's attention, before his golden gaze returned to his aunt and he finished,

"Naraku is at it again, and since only Tetsusaiga can beat him..."

Sighing, Kikyou frowned at her nephew and responded,

"I believe it is high time this Naraku fellow made up his mind as to whether he wishes to take over the world or simply skulk about in the shadows and threaten to do so. This skirting the issue is ridiculous. So if you would please ask Naraku-san, as a personal favor to me, not to attack any villages this coming Saturday, as I am relying on you to plan the entertainment for my reception."

She drank her tea thoughtfully, adding after a moment,

"It is my last reception, and I want it to encourage conversation. It's vital, at the end of the season, when most have already said whatever it is they have to say, which unfortunately in most cases, is not much."

"I'm sure he'll be holed up in an abandoned castle, brooding, in a week."

He gulped down his own tea, his ears twitching a few times as he listened to the soft voices in the corner of the room and decided that before it either got mushier or downright pornographic, he had to get Kikyou out of there.

"Anyway, I've got some ideas, but I'd like you to look over them. I've got my stuff all laid out in the music room..."

"Such a thoughtful nephew."

She took the clawed hand he offered her, and began to follow the hanyou into the next room, saying over her shoulder,

"Kagome, this way, child."

"Mochiron, Sofu-dono."

Kagome, naturally, made no move to follow her mother, and as Kikyou and Inuyasha disappeared down the hall, Sesshoumaru straightened and remarked casually,

"Kyoto is beautiful this time of year."

"Onegai, don't talk to me about that..."

Shining pools of Ceylon blue met his molten gold ones, as Kagome continued quietly,

"I always get the feeling that when people talk about the weather, or the seasons, they really want to talk about something else. And that makes me really nervous."

"This Sesshoumaru does wish to speak of something else."

"I thought so. I'm usually right about things like that."

She smiled a little at him, trying to ignore the butterflies practicing intricate katas in her stomach. It was always the same around him.

Whether it was the piercing gold of his eyes or the velvety richness of his voice, the way he so subtly yet so undeniably commanded both one's attention and one's obedience, or if it was simply because he was arguably the single most beautiful male, of any species, that she had ever seen, she wasn't sure.

But honestly, she was not too terribly concerned about the why when the who was so close.

Kagome's cheeks flushed a soft pink and she worried her bottom lip with her teeth, as Sesshoumaru strove to think only of what he had to say, and not what he wished to do to those lips.

"I would like to take advantage of your okaasan's temporary absence."

"I'd suggest that you do, Inukai-san. She has a habit of reentering a room silently and quite suddenly. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she never listens."

At last given the opportunity that he had so desired, Sesshoumaru suddenly found himself somewhat at a loss. Feelings were not something he admitted to having, let alone discussed.

_How the devil am I to do this?_

"Kagome, I have never...admired a bi—we—young lady as I...admire you."

"I know."

She set her tea cup aside and shifted slightly so that she was more or less facing him, and continued,

"I wish you'd be more demonstrative of it in public."

_Oh I'll give you demonstrative, you tasty little vixen._

One of her hands slipped inside one of his far larger, clawed hands as she went on,

"You've always been so irresistibly fascinating to me, even before I'd actually met you."

At this Sesshoumaru allowed a bit of amazement to seep into his expression. Whatever did she mean? He did not wonder long.

"We live, as I'm sure you know, in an age of ideals, and it has always been an ideal of mine to love someone by the name of Sesshoumaru. So when Inuyasha mentioned to me that he had a good friend named Sesshoumaru, I knew I would fall in love with you. It was destiny."

"You mean to say that you love this Sesshoumaru?"

"Wildly, passionately and..."

Kagome sank into those liquid pools of golden fire that masqueraded as his eyes and breathed,

"Hopelessly."

"You have made this Sesshoumaru...happy."

There! He said it and did not melt, turn to stone or die in some other shameful manner. Amazing! Kagome's hand lightly squeezed his as she cooed,

"Watashi no ai...watashi no Sesshoumaru."

He had been on the verge of smiling, his gaze having shifted from her angelic face to the alluring arch of her as yet unmarked throat, when reality slapped him across the face.

"Kagome, do you mean to tell me that you would not love me if my name was not Sesshoumaru?"

"But your name is Sesshoumaru."

"Aa, it is, demo...what if it was not? Would you not love me?"

"Oh, you mean metaphysically!"

_Hai, mochiron, whatever you say...may I bite you now? _

He ran his tongue over his fangs, wondering how much the girl before him knew of youkai traditions, as she babbled cutely,

"Metaphysical speculation has very little to do with real life, as we know it, so what does it matter?"

"Except in this case, I was not speaking hypothetically, per se. I sometimes wonder if the name Sesshoumaru truly suits me."

"It suits you perfectly, koi. It's a divinely dangerous name. Sesshoumaru...it rolls off the tongue. It has a music all its own, it...it produces vibrations."

She shivered almost sensually, and Sesshoumaru found himself picturing her saying his name under very different circumstances.

_Kuso! I've got to stop listening to that blasted monk._

Shelving that delicious visual for later, perhaps when his little beloved was in heat...which by the scent of things, would be sooner rather than later, the inuyoukai's blank mask returned and he replied,

"Kagome, we must be mated at once."

The name issue could be dealt with easily. He just needed to kill the witnesses on his adoption certificate and have a new one drawn up. Yes, it was all falling so neatly into—

"Mated?"

Her voice held such incredulity that Sesshoumaru was taken slightly by surprise.

"You know this Sesshoumaru's intentions, and you have stated yourself that you are not indifferent to me."

"Far from, Sesshoumaru-kun, but you haven't actually asked me to be your mate yet."

Ah...he knew he'd forgotten something.

"Then I shall ask you now."

He slid with fluid grace to the floor in front of her, on one knee, and placed his hands on her shoulders, as she assured him,

"Just so you know, I have every intention of accepting you."

"Remind me again why it is therefore necessary for this Sesshoumaru to ask?"

"Because it's customary."

"Hmm. Very well, then."

Clawed thumbs slowly peeled back the layers of silk protecting the joining of her neck and shoulders as the inuyoukai asked solemnly,

"Kagome, will you do this Sesshoumaru the honor of becoming his mate?"

"Mochiron!"

Sesshoumaru smiled, fangs gleaming in the waning light, and lowered his mouth to her exposed shoulder. Kagome obediently tipped her head to the side as he grazed her flesh with his fangs, depositing just enough venom to turn the four red lines on her white skin purple. The color of the marks, and the faint scent of wisteria, would serve as a warning to all other males that she was his intended mate. He laved the scratches with his tongue, as Kagome stifled a moan to whisper breathlessly,

"It took you long enough to ask. You haven't had much practice at this, have you?"

"I have no desire to have any other bi—we—young lady as my mate."

He withdrew from her most reluctantly, as she touched his cheek with her hand and replied with a smile,

"Lots of men propose for practice. I know my brother Souta does...all my girlfriends tell me so."

Her soft fingers moved to trace his eyebrow as she added,

"Your eyes are quite, quite golden. I hope you'll always look at me like that, Sesshou-kun, especially when there are other people around."

A man, youkai or otherwise, can only take so much in one afternoon before something snaps. And so he was about to lean in and steal a kiss from a not particularly unwilling Kagome, when he heard something he was loathe to acknowledge.

"Inukai-san! Rise, sir, from this semi-recumbent posture. It is most indecorous."

Sesshoumaru tried to turn, to stand, to do anything, but Kagome's little hands settled quite firmly on his shoulders, and there was some kind of foreign energy flowing out of her body into his that seemed determined to keep him where he was. Her aura was flaring and Sesshoumaru came to the sudden realization that his little ningen was perhaps not an ordinary ningen, if she was ningen at all. Inuyasha's babbling about the living guardian of the Shikon no Tama was starting to make sense…

With a fierce glitter in her grey-blue eyes, Kagome addressed her mother,

"Kaa-san, you really need to stop sneaking up on people like that. You never know what you're going to see."

"And just what is it that I'm seeing now?"

Kagome turned her head so that her mother could see the marks on her shoulder and replied calmly,

"Inukai-san has stated an intent to claim me as his mate, and I have accepted him."

Steeling herself against the anger rising within, Kikyou countered with equal reserve,

"Marriage – or in this case, mating – is hardly something a girl should arrange for herself. It should come as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant as the case may be, and when the day comes that you are chosen, either your father or I will inform you of the fact."

"KAA-san!"

She shot to her feet, fists clenched at her sides, and Sesshoumaru rose beside her, observing the orchid-hued energy rippling around her tantalizingly curvaceous body.

_When did it get so stuffy in here?_

Kikyou eyed her irate daughter warily, as though expecting her to explode at any moment, and said,

"I have a few questions for Inukai-san, Kagome. Onegai, wait for me in the carriage."

"But I don't want to wait in the carriage."

"Do you want Inuyasha to carry you down there like a sack of rice?"

Seething, but not about to call her mother's bluff, as she knew it was not a bluff, Kagome stomped to the door...and loitered there for several moments, blowing kisses to Sesshoumaru. This did not escape Kikyou's attention, however.

"Kagome, the carriage!"

"Ugh! FINE!"

With a flourish and rustle of heavy silk, Kagome departed, but not without one long, last look at Sesshoumaru, who determined he would need a very cold bath, very soon.

"Onegai, Inukai-san, sit down."

"I prefer to stand."

Kikyou glared up at the impassive inuyoukai as she settled onto a cushion and took out a tiny scroll and a pencil from the silk bag hanging from a delicate cord around her wrist.

"I must admit, you're not on my list of potential husbands for Kagome, though I have the same list as Kagura-kou. We work together, you see. I'm quite willing to enter your name, however, should you answer the following questions satisfactorily."

_Why am I putting up with this insufferable ningen's ridiculous questions?_

Oh right...because he wanted to bed Kagome. Right. Of course. Ask away, bitch.

"Do you smoke?"

"I do."

"Good. Everyone needs an occupation. I see far too many idle young men in Kyoto these days, my dear nephew included."

_Should I tell her what my real occupation is?_

He studied the pale ningen scribbling on her little scroll, and almost smirked. Let her toil away in ignorance. No need for her to know he dealt in death.

"How old are you?"

Sesshoumaru arched an eyebrow at this question, and Kikyou, glancing up at him, nodded curtly.

"Never mind that. I have always believed that upon entering a state of union, one should either know everything or nothing at all. To that end, I have seen to it that Kagome knows nothing. Which do you know?"

It was tempting to smile, just to see what her reaction would be, but he opted for a cold stare and emphasizing the word unnecessarily.

"Everything."

Of course he knows everything. He must be at least a hundred years old! The former miko took note of his reply, her hand shaking a tad more than she would have liked at his tone, and asked, 

"What is your yearly income?"

"Between ninety and a hundred thousand."

Staving off a fit of giddiness by focusing on her penmanship, she now inquired,

"In land or investments?"

Hmm...how to dance around this one? Making a mental note to look up the word investment to back up the semantic hair he was about to split, he replied smoothly, 

"Investments, chiefly. I do own quite a bit of land, though..."

Almost the entire Saigoku, to be precise...thanks in part to your baka nephew's gambling.

"A castle in Kanto, and a few modest holdings in Tohoku and Chubu."

"A castle in the country? I'll need the specifications of the castle, of course, but you can provide those at a later date."

Surely there had to be a flaw in this seemingly perfect man. Otherwise, she'd be marrying her precious Kagome off to a cold-hearted inuyoukai!

"You have a home in Kyoto, I trust? You could hardly expect a city girl like Kagome to live in the middle of nowhere."

"This Sesshoumaru does, indeed, have a home within the city walls. However, I have lent it for the year to Lady Tsubaki."

"Lady Tsubaki...hmm, I don't believe I know her."

"She is quite old, and does not get out often."

"Just because someone is old does not mean they are respectable, Inukai-san. Now where is this house of yours that you have so kindly lent to an old woman?"

Willing the poison to stop flowing into his claws lest he be tempted to use it, he replied offhandedly,

"Near the Rashomon Gate."

"The unfashionable sector. I was afraid of that. Well, that can easily be changed."

"The sector, or the fashion?"

"Both."

They locked into a staring contest, and Sesshoumaru wondered if Inuyasha inherited his stubbornness from the ningen women in his family...

Kikyou frowned slightly and broke eye contact to ponder her scroll. As a youkai, Sesshoumaru was more than likely not interested in politics, at least not of the sort she understood, so she skipped that question and moved on to the next.

"Are your parents living?"

Every obscenity he had ever heard flashed through his mind, before he answered carefully,

"I have...lost both my parents."

"Honestly, Inukai-san, to lose one parent is seen as a tragedy, but to lose both...that smacks of carelessness."

You have no idea.

"Who was your father?"

Now, there was a multitude of possible stalling tactics that most ordinary men would have attempted at this point, but Sesshoumaru was not an ordinary man, and he saw no reason to forestall the inevitable. There was no obstacle he could not overcome, no matter how formidable. Therefore, he replied quite honestly,

"I do not know. I was adopted."

"Adopted?"

"Hai, by Uchimonoshi Toutousai. He discovered me as a pup, and gave me the name of Inukai because I was, obviously, an inuyoukai."

"And just where did this gentleman discover you?"

"In the forest near his forge, along with a sword."

"A sword?"

"Hai, a rather ordinary morohanotsurugi, with a crimson-wrapped tsuka and a gold tsuba, with a small tassel."

Relief washed over Kikyou. An orphaned and possibly illegitimate youkai, no matter how strong or wealthy, was certainly not a suitable match for her daughter, the immortal Guardian of the Shikon no Tama! She returned the scroll and pencil to her purse and schooled her features into a stern mask as she replied,

"Inukai-san, I must say that I am...dismayed by what you have just told me. To be born or at any rate bred in a volcano...well it simply will not do. It flies in the face of decency, and shows no respect whatsoever for the sanctity of family life."

"Then what would you suggest I do?"

Their eyes met again, and both recognized that the other was not going to give up so easily, not without a fight. Kikyou sighed and rose, irritated that he was still so much taller than she, as she answered,

"Try to find some relatives, Inukai-san, before the season is over."

Damnable woman. How could a cold bitch like Kikyou have ever given birth to a warm-blooded minx like Kagome? It had to be Suikotsu...he had to be more normal than his wife. Eyes slightly narrowed, Sesshoumaru inclined his head in recognition of her absurd suggestion.

"So be it."

"Good day, Inukai-san."

"Good day, Nigen-kou."

She swept out, just as she had entered, and no sooner had her shadow faded than the most odious sounds began wafting out of the music room.

A western wedding march!

"Inuyasha…!"

The hanyou stuck his head in the room, blinking confusedly at the furious inuyoukai, and asked hesitantly,

"Ano...she turned you down! Fuck...I figured you had a shot. I mean, she turns Kouga down all the time, but—"

"Iie, Kagome accepted me. As far as she is concerned, we are to be mates. Her mother, however..."

A little poison fell on the floor from his flexing claws as he snarled,

"She is an oni, a monster without being a myth, which, were it anyone else, I should think it unfair, but that bitch...she deserves such a fate."

His eyes darted over to the smirking Inuyasha and he added in a calmer tone,

"I should not speak of your relatives in such a way. It is disrespectful."

"Keh! The only way I'm able to put up with my family is by hearing other people bad-mouth 'em."

He sauntered into the room and fixed himself a bowl of oden.

"Look, Sesshou, family is just a pack of really annoying people who don't have a fuckin' clue about how to live, or when to fuckin' die."

"Hmph."

"You disagree?"

"I did not say that."

Inuyasha narrowed an eye at him, remarking,

"Iie, but you didn't say you agreed, either."

"I am not going to argue with you about this, Inuyasha. You always want to argue about things."

"That's what things're for, baka."

Ah, here it comes. The migraine from hell returneth!

Sesshoumaru put a hand to his throbbing temple.

"If I thought that, I would commit seppuku."

"Keh!"

While Inuyasha scarfed down his oden, a thought as disturbing as that sight entered Sesshoumaru's mind, and he queried,

"Kagome will not become like Kikyou in about...five hundred years, will she?"

"All bitches turn into their mothers, that's their curse. No man does, that's his."

Ignoring the death glare the inuyoukai was sending him, the hanyou flopped down on a cushion and asked as innocently as he could,

"So...did you tell Kagome the truth about you're being Sesshoumaru in town and Ken in the country?"

"The truth is not something one tells a sweet, delicate little filly like Kagome, Inuyasha. Don't you know anything about how to behave around bitches?"

"'Course I do. Ya snog with the pretty ones and ya get the ugly ones to introduce you to their pretty friends so you can snog with 'em."

To this, the stoic inuyoukai could not conjure a reply.

Snog? What in the Seven Hells is he talking about?

"What're you gonna do about your little brother?"

"I am going to kill him. He will die in Hong Kong...of...a dark miko curse. Or perhaps he will simply fall in battle. Aa, that seems more like him."

"What about Kuramoto-san? Ain't she gonna be sad if you kill him off like that?"

Sesshoumaru turned a patronizing gaze on the younger demon. Really, the whelp was just so...stupid.

"She will get over it. Rin is not a silly, flighty ningen, thankfully. She has a healthy appetite, loves the outdoors and pays no attention whatsoever to her tutor."

"I wouldn't mind meeting Rin."

"Indeed. Well you are not going to meet her. She is excessively pretty and only just sixteen."

"Have you told Kagome that you have a young hottie for a ward?"

Ignoring, for the moment, the hanyou's odd vocabulary, Sesshoumaru responded flatly,

"Inuyasha, one does not simply blurt these things out to people. Besides, I feel certain Rin and Kagome will get along marvelously well. They will probably be calling each other sister five minutes after they meet."

"Keh! Bitches only do that after they've called each other a lot of other shit first."

Before the inuyoukai could say anything back, Myouga reappeared, announcing the return of Kagome. Inuyasha blinked a few times and groused,

"Oi! What the fuck're you doin' back here, bitch?"

"Inuyasha...Osuwari."

SLAM. The hanyou became intimately acquainted with the rug, thanks to a rosary Kagome had put on him whilst practicing her miko spells when they were children that she had just...never really felt like removing. Being able to face-plant Inuyasha at will was simply too tempting.

While the hanyou muttered his obscenities into the wool, Kagome rushed into Sesshoumaru's arms, clinging to his white kimono as though her life depended on it.

"Oh Sesshou-kun! Sofu-dono told me your romantic origin story, thinking I wouldn't want you any more, but she was wrong. You're even more mysterious now, and I'm even more devoted to you than before!"

To the Hells with propriety. Claiming her trembling lips, Sesshoumaru poured as much passion as he could into the kiss without becoming so ferocious as to warrant stripping her and taking her that instant, in front of Inuyasha.

"What the fu—"

"Mmm...Osuwari."

SLAM. With Inuyasha once again firmly embedded in the floor, Kagome pulled a scrap of paper from her purse and said urgently,

"We might have to do something drastic...like elope or—"

"Mate fiercely when you're in heat so your mother has no choice but to allow you to marry the father of your pups."

"Hai, something like that."

She was so intent on finding her pencil that she did not seem to have heard him—

Or else she's thinking along the same lines.

Either way was fine with him. Her slightly swollen lips curved into a smile as she latched onto the elusive pencil and she set the paper on his muscled chest as she asked,

"I have your address at the Shikon, but what's your address in the country?"

"Ginhakushoku Castle, Saigoku, in the Kanto Prefecture."

Kagome nodded, nibbling her lip again, as she reread the address, then lifted her face to his and purred,

"How long are you going to be in town?"

"Until Monday."

"Hmm..."

The magnetic pull of her lips was not a force to be denied, though clearly this was not something Inuyasha understood.

"Oi! Break it up, you two! This ain't a teahouse!"

Relinquishing his hold on Kagome —and her delectable mouth— Sesshoumaru took a step back from her.

"He is right. You had best go, before your mother comes looking for you."

"Walk me down?"

"Mochiron."

He offered her his arm and she accepted, and they floated out of the room, leaving a grinning inuhanyou and his confused servant. Myouga, peering down at the floor from his perch on his master's shoulder, asked in a hush,

"Inuyasha-kou, what did you carve into the floor?"

"Nuthin'."

He kicked a cushion over the scratches, scratches that to Myouga's eyes looked suspiciously like Kanji...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A morohanotsurugi is a somewhat large, double-edged Japanese sword that predates the katana.


	3. Act II, Part I

The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru

A Trivial Comedy for Serious People

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Cast:

Earnest Worthing: Inukai Sesshoumaru

Alergnon Moncrieff: Tsuruga Inuyasha

Gwendolyn Fairfax: Higurashi Kagome

Cecily Cardew: Kuramoto Rin

Dr. Chausible, the younger: Kaza Miroku

Dr. Chausible, the elder: Kaza Mushin

Ms. Prism, the younger: Hirai Sango

Mrs. Prism: Hirai Kaede

Gen. Moncrief: Lord Inutashio

Bunburry: Naraku

Lady Bracknell/Aunt Augusta: Nigen Kikyou

Lord Bracknell: Nigen Suikotsu

Merriman: Jaken

Lane: Myouga

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Disclaimer:

I own nothing herein, save the idea.

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ACT TWO

Part 1

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In a meticulously kept garden beneath the shade of a phoenix tree, just beyond the shining white stone steps leading into a massive castle, stood a table littered with scrolls. A young woman with long chestnut-colored hair and honey-brown eyes, attired in shades of pink and violet sat beside this table, polishing a boomerang easily half a head taller than she, while a small nekomata slept in the soft grass at her feet. Behind her, a teenaged girl dressed in soft yellow flitted about the flowerbeds with a basket and a pair of sheers.

Without even looking up from her boomerang, the young woman called out to the girl,

"Rin-chan, you know Inukai-san doesn't like it when you cut all the flowers."

"But they're so pretty, Sango-onee-chan!"

"Hai, I agree, they are very pretty, when they are growing in the ground where they belong, or when a small handful of them are arranged according to the rules of ikebana."

"But...Sango-onee-chan...I can't pick just a few!"

Rin spun around, her basket all but overflowing, and added rather seriously,

"I don't want the others to feel left out."

Sango sighed a little resignedly and shook her head. The kamui themselves could not dissuade Rin from her flower-picking obsession.

"Very well. We'll go over your English lesson while you arrange them."

Dragging her feet as much as possible, given that geta sandals do not drag very well over grass, Rin approached the table.

"Mou...I don't like English any more, Sango-onee-chan. I saw myself in the koi pond yesterday after my English lesson and I looked so plain!"

"You know how important it is to Inukai-san that you learn English. He made a particular point of stressing that before he went to town..."

Sango's brow furrowed softly and she remarked, mostly to herself,

"Actually, he _always _makes a point of stressing that before he goes to town."

"Do you think...Ken-sama _wants _me to be plain!"

At her feet, the nekomata let out a chirping meow, as if wishing to be a part pf the conversation, and both young ningen laughed a little at the sheer cuteness of it.

"Sango-onee-chan, I wish Oji-sama would laugh with us."

"Your guardian—"

And here she stopped herself, unable to bring herself to say what she knew she ought. Instead she leaned over the table and said gravely,

"If he ever does, Rin-chan, run. Run and don't look back. That will be a sure sign that he's lost his mind and I don't want you to see me exterminate him."

Rin regarded her tutor with wide, questioning eyes, then suddenly burst into peals of happy giggles.

"Mou, Sango-onee-chan! I thought you were serious!"

Sango slapped her forehead in an attempt to keep the vein above her eyebrow from throbbing. Or at least, to keep her charge from noticing. While she was distracted and from behind the camouflage offered by her flowers, Rin slipped out her diary and started writing. Once Sango had her frustrated twitches under control, she looked up to see Rin lost in whatever it was she poured into her diary. Never the sort of woman to indulge in such things, she remarked,

"Honestly, Rin-chan, I don't see why you keep a diary."

With dramatic flair, Rin replied,

"I keep a diary to record the marvelous secrets of my life. Otherwise, I'm sure I'd forget them all."

"I chose to allow my memory to serve as my diary."

Sango offered, to which Rin countered,

"But people always seem to remember things that didn't happen, and couldn't possibly have happened. I'm convinced that memory is responsible for the Tale of Genji and all those other silly romances. Especially the ones that mysterious Furyou-san writes."

A sudden fit of embarrassed coughing stifled whatever response Sango might have made, and Rin saw her chance for an afternoon of freedom from study in the form of one very handsome, equally lecherous young monk.

"Ah, Kaza-san! How good to see you."

Said handsome, lecherous young monk smiled with all the benevolence of Buddha himself and replied,

"Kuramoto-san, it is always an honor to be in your presence. And may I say that you are looking especially beautiful today?"

Rin blushed and looked down shyly, and so missed the flames erupting in her tutor's eyes.

"Kaza-san, you are too kind."

Faster than the human eye could follow, the monk had her hands in his and a very solemn expression on his face.

"Kuramoto-san, there is something I must ask you..."

With equal speed, the boomerang Sango had so lovingly been polishing contacted his head with a thunk.

"Houshi-sama...!"

"Ah, my dear Sango, I was just—"

"Going to suggest that you two work out your differences over a nice walk through the garden, ne, Kaza-san?"

Offered Rin with a deceptively innocent expression. Sango flushed crimson and was about to protest when the girl added contritely,

"After all, you're not going to be able to teach me a thing today. I just can't seem to pay attention."

"Is that so, Kuramoto-san?"

"I'm afraid so, Kaza-san."

The monk allowed his indigo gaze wander to the vision of lethal beauty that was his Sango and heaved a melodramatic sigh.

"Such a pity! Were I so fortunate as to have Hirai-san as a teacher, I would worship her every curv—ah, word."

With a sad smile and the jingle of his shakujo, Kaza-san bowed and started to leave.

"But as Hirai-san does not seem interested in walking with me, I will—"

"Chotto matte, Kaza-san, onegai."

Sango surprised everyone except the wise nekomata now perched on her shoulder by slinging her boomerang over her other shoulder and hurrying to catch up with him. He waited, eyebrows softly arched, as she stopped at his side and, without meeting his gaze, practically whispered,

"I would...very much like to walk with you a while...provided you behave yourself."

"Mou, have you no faith in me at all, Sango-chan?"

She glared up at him then and he chuckled nervously.

_Ah, she still hasn't forgotten that obi incident..._

"I give you my word, Hirai-san, I will do nothing you do not wish me to do."

The instant she nodded her assent and he gave her his most beatific smile, Sango knew he was up to something. Kaza Miroku only smiled in such a saintly way when he was contemplating breaking one of the tenets of his faith.

But he gave me his word. Surely he would not— 

And then she realized to what he had sworn.

_"I will do nothing you do not wish me to do."_

Her cheeks flushed as she looked up into those soulful if deceitful indigo eyes and was forced to admit that he was good. Very good. He had at once reassured her that she would be safe with him and given himself a reasonable excuse for groping her. 

As they left the clearing and Rin behind and entered the garden proper, Sango wondered why she had been cursed to fall in love with a monk cursed with wandering hands.

Rin, in the meantime, had waited until her tutor and her suitor, as she liked to call them, had disappeared before she gave in to an urge she had long tried to suppress. With wicked glee, she gathered up the scrolls and little bound books, and all the other learning materials, and threw them into the air.

"Horrid Etiquette! Horrid Art History! Horrid, horrid, cuteness-negating English!"

She sighed, a smile of utter contentment spreading over her pretty face, and she snatched up her diary and flowers, intending to hide for a while by the koi pond so that she might write undisturbed, but a horrified gurgle made her turn around. Jaken, her guardian's faithful but grating servant stood, eyes wider than usual, staring at the mess she'd made.

"Rin! You stupid ningen! What have you done!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jaken-san, but—the—wind was just too strong. I couldn't keep the papers from flying away."

Rin lied apologetically, having forgotten that the poor imp would be responsible for cleaning up the mess she had made. She set her diary aside and bent down to start retrieving the scattered scrolls but Jaken, thinking himself a daft old toad for his sentimentality, shooed her away.

"Never mind, girl. I'll see to it. You have a visitor."

"I do?"

"Well, not really you, but you're the only one here, so...hai."

He unceremoniously shoved a small white card at her and started collecting the scrolls and other things from the grass while Rin walked, entranced, towards the stairs.

"Inukai Sesshoumaru, C3, The Shikon...Oji-sama's brother!"

She whirled round to face Jaken, eyes wide and heart pounding. Finally, she would meet her guardian's mysterious brother!

"Did you tell him that Ken-sama is in Kyoto?"

"Hai, and he seemed rather disappointed...and rude...the hanyou brat!"

Muttered Jaken, adding a bit louder,

"He asked to speak with you, Rin."

"Me?"

"Hai, foolish girl! Isn't that what I said?"

How he needed a vacation! Jaken took a few calming breaths and said,

"I left him in the Western sitting room."

"I'll just go and see him, then."

She replied brightly, and Jaken forgot to be curmudgeonly for a moment as he regarded her. Such an impish smile, and so full of joy.

_If only she wasn't such a stupid, annoying little ningen._

"Oh and Jaken-san? Sesshoumaru-san will need a room. Onegai, talk to Yura about that."

"Fine, fine, whatever...silly child."

Rin practically skipped up the stairs and through the castle, only pausing when she reached the shoji leading to the Western sitting room. She had longed to meet Sesshoumaru ever since her guardian had mentioned him, for he seemed such a romantic figure, always getting into trouble, having to fight his way out of one dire situation after another...But now that she was a few feet away from him, she was starting to worry.

_What if he looks like every other inuyoukai?_

Well, at least she would have another head of silky white hair to braid.

Opening the door with determination, she stepped into the room and her eyes fell upon a head of silver hair and the most adorable set of white dog ears she had ever seen.

_He doesn't!_

Urged forward by the magnetic attraction between those fuzzy ears and her own fingers, she was nearing her goal when one ear flicked in her direction and he turned to face her. She froze, arms still raised, and just stared.

He was so...pretty. His eyes were the same molten gold as her guardian's, and for just a moment they seemed warm and almost soft before they hardened and he said gruffly,

"So you're Rin-chan."

Her rosy lips twisted into a pout and she retorted,

"I'm not little!"

His brows furrowed and he snapped back,

"Yeah you are!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"I AM NOT LITTLE!"

Those cute ears of his flattened on his skull and he winced a bit before he folded his arms and smirked at her.

"Keh. Whatever."

"_Anyway,_ you must be my wicked cousin Sesshoumaru-san."

"Look, I don't know what my _aniki-sama_ has been tellin' you, but I ain't wicked."

Rin deflated like a popped balloon. She had so hoping he would be naughty, not like that simpering Houjou and the other boys her guardian seemed to favor. They were so boring! Fixing him with a calculating glare, she replied,

"Well, if you're not, then you're a liar...pretending to be bad when you're really a goody-two-shoes. That would be awfully hypocritical of you."

Inuyasha scratched the back of his head, wondering how he managed to get himself into situations like this.

"Well, I'm pretty reckless and brash...and I never think before I do anything..."

"I'm glad to hear it."

She smiled at him and Inuyasha, thanks to the resulting surge of testosterone, bragged,

"Come to think of it, I have been pretty bad."

"I don't think you should be quite so proud of it, but..."

Rin nibbled her lip and added softly,

"But it must've been a lot of fun."

"It was. There's nothin' quite like a good brawl to get the blood flowin'."

His cheeks flushed nearly the same scarlet as his gi as he stammered,

"Though it's...kinda nice...bein' here with you."

"How is it that you're here at all? Oji-sama won't be home until Monday afternoon."

"That's a real shame. I gotta go back to Kyoto Monday morning."

Inuyasha was trying, really he was, to seem nonchalant but that had never really been his forte. And Rin was pretty, really she was, and she seemed to have no concept of personal space because she was close, _really_ close and kami did she smell good!

His mind officially in Fantasy Snog Land, his mouth continued to press on.

"See, I've got this...business appointment that I really wanna...miss."

Damn. She had to go and lick her lips. His ears swiveled forward and he gave Rin his undivided attention as she inquired,

"Couldn't you miss it somewhere other than Kyoto?"

"Huh? Ano...iie...the appointment is in Kyoto."

Meeting Tsujikaze Kouga to go gambling wasn't exactly what most people would call a business appointment, but a necessary part of Narakuing was stretching the truth, and Inuyasha was quite a stickler for the rules when it came to Narakuing.

"Well, I understand how important it is to skip business appointments, otherwise you lose the spontaneity of life, but still I think you should wait at least until Ken-sama returns. I know he wants to talk to you about your emigration."

"My WHAT!"

"Your emigration. He's gone up to buy your outfit."

Inuyasha grimaced.

"Oh _fuck_ no Fluffy ain't buyin' my clothes! He dresses like a girl!"

"I don't think it will matter where you're going. He's sending you to America."

She explained a little sadly. Soon that horrible English language would dull his handsome face. It was almost more than she could bear.

"You gotta be shittin' me! I ain't goin' to America!"

He tucked his hands in his sleeves and folded his arms over his chest, striking his most obstinate posture as she told him,

"Last week, at dinner, Ken-sama said that you would have to choose between this world, the next world, or America. I tried to convince him that Canada was better, but he was quite decided about America."

"Not much of a fuckin' choice."

"I know. I'm sorry."

She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he relaxed almost instantly, the warmth of her touch soothing his taut muscles and the sweetness of her scent tickling his nostrils. No other girl had ever affected him in such a way, and he wondered if she knew how to make ramen. If she did, he might just have mate her.

"Maybe...maybe I'll just stay here."

He said quietly, allowing himself to lean towards her just a little as she reminded him with a smile,

"I don't think Ken-sama would appreciate that. You are wicked, after all."

"I'll just have to reform myself then."

Not that he was serious, but—

"Oh what a wonderfully gallant thing of you, Sesshoumaru-san!"

"Keh!"

His stomach decided to join in the conversation then and rumbled something fierce. Rin giggled behind her hand and said,

"My apologies, Sesshoumaru-san. You must be starving after your journey. I'll ring for Jaken to bring you something."

"And tell the little toad to hurry."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Inuyasha leaned back against the tree, his stomach blissfully full. He felt so deliciously warm and lazy, sitting there in the grass with Rin, and so at ease. He watched her breathe in the perfumed air of the garden, watched the way her eyes sparkled with appreciation at the nature surrounding them, and wondered for the hundredth time since meeting her how she'd managed to turn out so normal with Sesshoumaru as her guardian.

"Oh, the peonies have started to bloom!"

She gushed, scampering over to a row of tree peonies growing along the shelter of a garden wall. There were burgundy ones and cream ones, pink ones and magenta ones...

"Here."

Rin turned to see a soft double pink bloom with hints of cream around the center being offered to her, and her gaze lifted to a pair of embarrassed, uncertain gold eyes before she accepted the flower and tucked it into her hair.

"Arigatou, Sesshoumaru-san."

"Tweren't nothin'."

He replied, cherry-cheeked once again.

"It just...kinda reminded me of you...all soft and...pretty and...it smells good, too."

Fighting a blush more severe than his, she grasped for words and again ended up babbling at him.

"Hirai-san says that being soft is a weakness, and that being pretty gets you into trouble, and smelling too good can get you into even more trouble."

"I don't care what this Hirai-san says, girls are supposed to be soft and pretty. 'Sides, I'd rather be in trouble than be bored to death."

"So would I..."

Inuyasha knew, on some level, that wandering off into the garden with an eager Rin was probably not one of his better ideas, but he also knew that opportunities such as this did not come every day, so he wandered off with her anyway.

No sooner had they vanished into the shadows than Hirai-san and Kaza-san returned. Surprisingly, he only had one handprint on his face, and she only looked a little disheveled.

"Houshi-sama...Do you ever plan on settling down?"

"Ah, my dear Sango, who would want to be tied to such an unworthy one as I?"

"You must realize what a temptation you are, houshi-sama...remaining unmarried for so long..."

Sango struggled to remain objective, to keep her face a mask of indifference, but damn that houshi and his gentle eyes! She always seemed to melt beneath that indigo gaze, so full of promises and forbidden pleasures.

And then there was his gloved hand resting on her backside, like it belonged there.

Slap!

Miroku rubbed his cheek and sighed.

"Mou, Sango-chan...are you saying I wouldn't be a temptation after I was married. That's rather harsh."

"Baka no houshi...Of course you would!"

She snapped, eyebrow twitching freely as she added in a steely voice,

"But if you were married, you wouldn't have to chase every kimono in the Saigoku, because you'd have someone at home waiting for you."

"Aa...but what if my wife tired of me?"

"I would never—"

Sango clapped both hands over her mouth and stared at the houshi in abject horror. Had she really—

Oh kami-sama. His eyes were twinkling and there was the faintest trace of a smug smile on his lips.

She really had said that out loud.

"Miao!"

"I agree, Kirara."

Purred the monk, taking advantage of Sango's temporary paralysis to take both her hands in his.

"It is indeed about time."

"M-miroku...?"

"Sango..."

"This is really not something I needed to see."

Three pairs of eyes darted to the white-clad inuyoukai standing like a marble statue not three feet from them, his usually blank features awash with disdain. Really, to be trysting in broad daylight, in _his_ garden. What if Rin had seen them?

Miroku, accustomed to being caught in such a manner, recovered first. He plastered a smile on his face and said lightly,

"Maa, maa...Inukai-san, it's not what you think. I was merely—"

"Spare me, onegai."

He raised a hand and then, remembering he was supposed to be grieving, affected a sigh and added,

"I have had a trying afternoon."

"Oh, Inukai-san, has something happened?"

Sesshoumaru nodded solemnly to his ward's tutor and explained,

"My poor unfortunate half-brother Sesshoumaru has died."

"In battle?"

"Indeed."

Sango frowned. That fool Sesshoumaru. Even in peaceful times, when taijiya such as herself and her little brother had been forced to find other employment, he had refused to give up the ways of the sword.

"You know what they say. Live by the sword, die by the sword."

"Sango-chan, a little charity. The lad was young, brash..."

Miroku turned from her towards the inuyoukai and asked,

"Will he be buried here?"

"Iie. He apparently wished to be buried in Hong Kong."

"Honto ne?"

"I never did claim to understand how his mind worked."

Sesshoumaru replied coldly, wondering briefly why, whenever he thought of his imaginary half-brother, he pictured Inuyasha, before he shoved those thoughts aside and fixed his gaze on the houshi. Who had the good sense to take a step back.

"Kaza-san, do you christen?"

Before the monk could reply, Sango's eyes widened and she gasped,

"Iie! Inukai-san, your brother...he didn't...leave something behind...?"

"Iie. I merely asked because I f-f-f..."

_Feel_ was not a word he could bring himself to say, at least not in such a context, so he opted for,

"This Ken wishes to be christened."

"Demo...haven't you been christened already."

"I have no idea. Toutousai was—"

Daft, senile, several bricks shy of a load—

"Uniquely forgetful, and therefore, I believe it would be wise for me to be christened, just in case."

"Ano...Oto-chan is better where those things are concerned...Could you come 'round at about five?"

"Aa."

"Then I will take my leave. Inukai-san."

Miroku bowed slightly then turned to Sango with a decidedly lecherous gleam in his eyes. Not wishing to see more, Sesshoumaru turned on his heel and was almost to enter the castle when Rin came hurtling towards him.

"Oji-sama!"

He caught her before she collided with his person but heightened youkai reflexes could not stop the flow of words from her rosy mouth.

"Oh you won't believe it, Oji-sama! It's too wonderful! Guess who's here! Just guess! Oh you'll never imagine, I know you won't!"

"Rin. Stop that."

She exhaled, counted to ten, and started over,

"Welcome home, Oji-sama. Your brother Sesshoumaru is here."

Heightened youkai reflexes did keep him from falling over at that, but only just.

"This Ken does not have a brother."

"Oji-sama, that's just mean. No matter how badly he's behaved, he's still your brother...half-brother at least."

Sesshoumaru stood, baffled beyond words, as his ward disengaged herself from him and started inside.

"And you will greet him kindly, Oji-sama, won't you? I know that you will!"

Miroku and Sango joined him then, to stare confusedly at her retreating form.

"I thought you said he was dead."

"Apparently a most grievous error has been made, Sango-chan."

"Indeed."


	4. Act II, Part II

The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru

A Trivial Comedy for Serious People

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Cast:

Earnest Worthing: Inukai Sesshoumaru

Alergnon Moncrieff: Tsuruga Inuyasha

Gwendolyn Fairfax: Higurashi Kagome

Cecily Cardew: Kuramoto Rin

Dr. Chausible, the younger: Kaza Miroku

Dr. Chausible, the elder: Kaza Mushin

Ms. Prism, the younger: Hirai Sango

Mrs. Prism: Hirai Kaede

Gen. Moncrief: Lord Inutashio

Bunburry: Naraku

Lady Bracknell/Aunt Augusta: Nigen Kikyou

Lord Bracknell: Nigen Suikotsu

Merriman: Jaken

Lane: Myouga

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Disclaimer:

I own nothing herein, save the idea.

I have significantly changed this part, since there are some things I just can't imagine Inuyasha putting up with, even in such a wildly AU fic. I can only hope the tweaking works.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

ACT TWO

Part 2

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As he waited for Rin to reappear, Sesshoumaru struggled to make sense of what had just happened. He had returned home, having successfully "disposed" of his little brother, only to find that someone—

"Oi! You look like somebody died."

No, no, no, no, _no_! His mind screamed in outrage. Not him!

_But of course it is he. No one else is so stupid as to test my patience in such a manner._

Inuyasha sauntered over with a beaming Rin on his arm and smirked up at Sesshoumaru with an almost childlike arrogance and drawled,

"Long time no see, ne, aniki-sama?"

To say that it was tempting to use Dokkasu on the hanyou would be the understatement of the era. But Sesshoumaru was a creature of immense self-control, and he did not want Rin to see him kill his _brother_ so he settled for turning away with a faint scowl.

"I have nothing to say to you. Words cannot express my displeasure at seeing you here. And you know very well why."

Rin pouted cutely and chastised him,

"Oji-sama, you promised to be kind to your brother!"

"I did no such—"

"He isn't as bad as you made him out to be."

That brought him back around to face her. Not as bad as—was the girl mad?

Missing the fleeting look of shock on her guardian's stony visage, Rin prattled on,

"Sesshou-kun was just telling me about his nemesis Naraku-san, whom he fights to protect defenseless villagers. Surely anyone who would leave the pleasures of Kyoto to do battle with such a villain has some goodness in him."

Sesshoumaru cast a withering glare at Inuyasha and asked,

"So he has been talking to you of Naraku?"

"Hai. He told me all about Naraku-san and his plans to take over the world."

"Naraku..."

He growled, the stripes on his cheeks flaring just a little as he commanded,

"He will not speak to you of Naraku, or of anything else."

A nudge and a pert little nod from Rin encouraged Inuyasha to step forward.

"Look Fluffy, I know I've screwed up pretty bad, but for my own aniki-sama to act like this...it hurts."

Sesshoumaru's jaw was now clenched so tightly it was almost painful. Oh when he got his hands on Inuyasha...!

"Oji-sama, if you don't welcome Sesshou-kun into our home, I will never forgive you."

"Never forgive me?"

"Never, ever!"

It was almost too much to believe. Rin had forgiven him for far worse trespasses than this. Murder, torture...Jaken...But by the hells, if she didn't look serious.

The line of his shoulders tightened and with all the enthusiasm of a condemned man, he said,

"Very well. Otoutosan, I welcome you into our home."

_And if I have my way, your grave as well._

They bowed stiffly to each other, gold locked with gold in a battle of wills that was only broken when Rin squealed and hugged them both.

"I'm so happy!"

"Come Rin-chan, we should leave the brothers alone."

Sango held out a hand to the young girl as Miroku nodded.

"No doubt they have much to catch up on."

"All right."

She gave each inu a brilliant smile and then left them to join Sango and Miroku. Once they were safely out of earshot, Sesshoumaru let his mask slip just a little.

"Inuyasha...I refuse to be a part of your Narakuing. Leave, before I do something you will not live to regret."

Before Inuyasha could reply, Jaken scuttled down the steps and informed them that he had placed "Sesshoumaru-san's" luggage in one of the guest rooms.

"His what?"

"You heard him. My luggage."

"Why do you have luggage here?"

"And people say I'm stupid. 'Cuz I'm stayin' for the week."

Ignoring the confused imp on the stairs to loom threateningly over the hanyou so thoughtlessly disturbing his peaceful home, Sesshoumaru snarled,

"You are _not_ staying here for a week."

"Yeah I am."

"You are not."

"Am."

"Are—"

Feeling the familiar stabbing pain of another Inuyasha-induced migraine, Sesshoumaru rubbed his temples and said tiredly,

"We are not going to do this. You are going to go away, and I am going to find something to kill, and we are going to forget this happened."

"I ain't goin' anywhere."

Inuyasha countered, jaw set and brow furrowed. Sesshoumaru, for reasons he would never fathom, attempted to reason with the hanyou.

"You must. You have responsibilities."

"Since when did I ever let my responsibilities interfere with my fun?"

Jaken, realizing that nothing was going to be resolved between these two, toddled off to arrange a carriage for his master's ungrateful brother and then to find that sake he'd hidden away for just such an occasion, while Inuyasha hopped onto the railing and announced,

"Rin smells good."

"You will not speak of her in such a way. I do not like it."

"Like I care..."

Muttered the hanyou, adding a bit more loudly,

"While we're on the subject, I don't like your clothes. They're too white. You usually at least have some purple or red, or _somethin'_ on 'em."

"I am supposed to be in mourning, baka."

"But I ain't dead, ani-kisama."

Sesshoumaru smiled just a little, in spite of the insult, and replied,

"You will be if you try to stay here for a week."

"Well I can't leave my best friend when he's in mourning, now can I?"

Again, it was only by the grace of his heightened youkai senses that Sesshoumaru did not fall over. Honestly, the whelp should have whiplash from the abrupt change in reasoning.

"Fine. If I change my clothes, will you leave?"

"Maybe. If you don't take too long."

Inuyasha replied with a grimace.

"I've never known a guy to take so long to get dressed...no wonder people think you're a girl."

"That is preferable to being thought an idiot."

"Keh! At least I'm a lovable idiot."

He patted the sword at his hip and added,

"With a kick-ass sword."

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. He had to go and bring up the sword. Not that Toukijin wasn't a fine sword, for it was, but the Tetsusaiga had been forged with the fang of the mighty Inutaisho, and the inuyoukai was more than a little envious of its power. And by extension, he admitted begrudgingly, its wielder.

But he would never allow Inuyasha to see it.

"Your vanity is astounding, your conduct outrageous and your presence here an insult. However, as you will soon be gone, I wish you a pleasant trip back to Kyoto."

He snarled, stalking carefully up the steps and towards the door.

"This Narakuing of yours has failed, _little brother_."

Inuyasha smiled after his icy friend, his brows arching softly, and said quietly,

"Oh I don't know about that."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

After a thorough sniffing of the castle, the hanyou located Rin in a small parlor, arranging flowers.

"Rin..."

She looked up from her work and bestowed him with another of her angelic smiles.

"Sesshou-kun...I thought you were with Oji-sama."

"I was but...He's sendin' me away."

"Iie!"

Inuyasha was surprised at how fast the girl could move. One minute she was kneeling behind a table, the next she was pressed up against him a way that was making him blush.

"I wouldn't mind parting from someone I'd known a long time. That's easy enough. But to be separated from you, when we've only just met...Oh it's too horrible!"

A slightly tipsy Jaken took that moment to appear.

"The carriage is waiting."

Inuyasha turned his best puppy eyes on Rin and she felt her insides melt like hot wax.

"It can wait, Jaken-san for...five minutes."

The imp teetered away but neither of the young people in the room paid any attention to the crashes of shattering porcelain or slurred cursing that marked his exit. Rin was lost in Inuyasha's eyes, and he was trying to figure out how to tell her what he was feeling without scaring her off or having a coronary.

"Rin, I...I think you're one of the prettiest bi—we—girls I've ever met and I really, _really _ like the way you smell. And the fact that you like ramen..."

He swore his fangs ached to bite her.

"Sesshou-kun...I like the way you smell, too."

Clearly, this was a sign from the kamui. He was _meant_ to bite her.

But apparently, not just yet.

"The...the wheely-thingie is out...there."

A very tipsy Jaken offered from the door, clutching the frame for dear life as the world tipped and rolled before his eyes.

"Tell it to come back in a week."

Jaken nodded, turned around and promptly passed out in the hall. Rin nibbled her lip nervously and remarked,

"Oji-sama is going to be very upset."

"I don't give a fuck about Fluffy. I just care about you."

If not for the sword at his hip, crimson would have consumed gold and those aching fangs would have been much longer than they were when he growled,

"I want you to be my mate, Rin."

"Sesshou-kun...It's even better than I imagined it would be..."

"Huh?"

Rin gave him an embarrassed little smile and explained,

"Ever since Oji-sama told me about you, I've been fascinated with you and I...I've been imagining what it would be like to be claimed by you."

A shudder of feral lust rippled through Inuyasha. Surely the girl didn't understand what she'd just said. Besides, he hadn't actually claimed her yet.

_Emphasis on the yet._

He pulled her close, eyes fixed on the fragile arch of her throat, and set one clawed hand on her shoulder.

"Has Fluffy told you, about inuyoukai customs?"

"Iie, I had to ask Hirai-san."

She offered him her neck as he tugged the silk past her shoulder and lowered his head, jaws wide, to graze her white skin with his fangs. Rin sucked in a breath, surprised to find herself enjoying the sensation, and Inuyasha had to steel himself against the resulting change in her scent.

It really wouldn't do to just ravish his betrothed in Sesshoumaru's parlor, especially with Sesshoumaru lurking about somewhere in the castle.

He let one hand drop to the hilt of Tetsusaiga and found his still point, even as Rin cooed and ran her fingers through his hair. Even when she stretched in his arms, fragrant skin and warmed silk pressing against his chest to reach up and rub his ears.

"So soft...And your hair is the loveliest color...like spun platinum..."

"Rin, you understand that you can't break this off, like humans can with their engagements, ne?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Dunno. I just heard girls think it ain't serious if they don't break it off at least once."

She giggled at him and shook her head.

"Silly. I have what I've always wanted. I have my Sesshou-kun."

"Uh, yeah, about that..."

He spun her in his arms and dropped onto a cushion with her. Settling her in his lap, he set his chin on her shoulder and asked,

"What if my name was somethin' else? Would you still want me?"

"But your name isn't something else."

"I'm just sayin', what if it was. What if my name was...Inuyasha...?"

Rin considered this for a moment, and the hanyou's ears drooped, expecting the worst.

"Well...I don't know. I've always really liked the name Sesshoumaru."

His ears perked up at that and he grinned at her.

"Hey, is that monk allowed to perform rituals and ceremonies and shit like that?"

"Kaza-san doesn't usually do things like that, but his father, Mushin-jii-chan does."

"Perfect."

He swept her into his arms and deposited her on another large cushion, nearer the window, with the explanation,

"I gotta talk to him. I won't be gone long."

"Do hurry."

Inuyasha nodded and dashed outside, leaving a very giddy Rin staring after him.

"He has the most beautiful hair."

She shook her head, determining that she had been spending entirely too much time with the housekeeper, Yura. Still, his hair _was_ beautiful...

Behind her, Jaken crawled through the door to say,

"A Higurashi-dono is here to see Inukai-san, on what she claims is very important business...but she's just a stupid ningen, so what does she know?"

"You horrible little toad!"

Jaken went sailing out the window and an irate Kagome strode into the room, blue-grey eyes flashing and fists clenched at her sides. Of all the nerve! To call her a stupid ningen when she could hear him.

She hoped he landed in a koi pond.

Rin, who had been expecting a very old woman from some charity, was unprepared to see a very lovely woman not much older than herself, dressed impeccably in shades of orchid standing before her, but the manners her guardian had insisted she learn kept her from gaping for too long. She rose and greeted the other woman with a respectful bow.

"Higurashi-dono, welcome. I'm Kuramoto Rin."

"Kuramoto Rin...I like that name. It sounds so innocent and sweet."

Kagome smiled at Rin and added in a light tone,

"You know, I think you and I are going to great friends, Rin."

"That would be nice."

"May I call you Rin?"

"Hai, Higurashi-dono."

"Oh, you must call me Kagome. Higurashi-dono makes me sound so old."

Rin invited Kagome to sit and soon a few imps had brought tea and mochi for the ladies, who discussed everything from the new styles in kimono and face painting to the finer points of archery, until at last they reached the reason for Kagome's presence.

"I'm sorry Oji-sama is out, Kagome, but—"

"Wait. Oji-sama?"

The younger girl smiled at the confused miko and nodded.

"Hai, Inukai-san is my guardian, and I've always called him Oji-sama."

A pout tugged at Kagome's pink mouth at this news. Why hadn't he told her about Rin?

"Mou, Rin-chan, Sesshoumaru never said anything about having a ward."

"Oh, Kagome-onee-chan, Sesshoumaru isn't my guardian! His aniki-sama is."

"Ani...ki...sama?"

Just how many secrets did the man have?

"Hai. They aren't exactly on the best terms, so it makes sense that you didn't know about Ken-sama."

"I guess so...still, I wish he'd trusted me a little more."

"I'll talk to him for you, Kagome-onee-chan."

Rin offered helpfully, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling as she added,

"After all, a man has to listen to his mate-to-be, ne?"

Apparently, he had a _lot_ of secrets.

"Rin-chan...are you saying that _you_ are Sesshoumaru's intended mate?"

"Hai. He marked me this afternoon."

Without a thought to modesty, the girl tugged her kimono just far enough for Kagome to see the red welts where—

Wait. _Red_ welts?

Kagome's eyes narrowed in concentration. Not only were the marks red, they were also different from hers. Not quite as long, nor as far apart.

Which was a relief, because Sesshoumaru and Rin...well that was practically pedophilia!

The question now was, who was this mystery inuyoukai running about, pretending to be Sesshoumaru and marking young women?

"Rin-chan—"

"Kagome."

The purple welts on her neck thrummed at his proximity and Kagome herself was unable to mask the shiver of anticipation his deep baritone sent through her.

"Sesshoumaru."

He stood on the engawa outside, golden eyes locked on her grey-blue ones, and without having to tell her body what to do, she rose from her cushion, walked over to him, and offered him her neck.

Sesshoumaru grasped the miko by her shoulders and lowered his head to nuzzle his mark. A quick sweep of his tongue set her skin aflame and she became boneless in his hold.

"Watashi no ai."

She murmured, eyelids fluttering as he claimed her lips in a searing kiss.

Had Rin not dropped her teacup with a clatter then, her guardian would not have limited himself to just one kiss. She did, however, drop her cup, and so he released Kagome's shoulders in favor of her waist. Holding her up against him with one arm lest her knees buckle, he attempted to appear aloof and nonchalant.

"Rin."

"Right, Rin-chan...You didn't mark her this afternoon, did you?"

Sesshoumaru barely arched one eyebrow at his slightly dazed miko and replied,

"Iie."

"Somehow I didn't think so."

"Oh, but Kagome-onee-chan, that's not Sesshoumaru. That's my guardian, Inukai Ken."

Kagome's eyes cleared almost instantly and she stared at the girl, as she added brightly,

"That's my Oji-sama."

A million possible responses to this revelation flitted through Kagome's mind, but for some reason, the only thing she managed to say was,

"Osuwari!"

"BITCH!"

Jarred from her shock-induced stupor, she spun away from her mate-to-be and turned toward the stream of obscenities flowing from the garden.

"OI! WHAT THE _FUCK_ WAS THAT FOR?"

A slightly rumpled, very angry hanyou stomped across the engawa to point a claw at Kagome.

"I swear to Kami, Kagome, if you don't take this fucking rosary off—"

"Sesshou-kun! Don't swear at Kagome-onee-chan!"

Rin wrapped her arms around his midsection and gave him a pouting scowl.

"It isn't nice."

"Sesshou—?"

Inuyasha's ears flattened on his skull in preparation for what was to come. Though he didn't quite expect the reaction he got.

Sesshoumaru watched, expressionless from surprise, as his mate-to-be laughed herself to tears.

"Oh, oh KAMI! Oh, this is just too...oh kami-sama! This is too much! Inuyasha no baka."

"Inu...yasha?"

Inuyasha cringed and looked down at the girl in his arms, his eyes shadowed with guilt and his ears drooping pitifully.

"Hai, Rin. My real name's Inuyasha."

"You lied to me."

"Aa."

"Hey, _you_ lied to _me_, too!"

"Indeed."

"MEN!"

The girls promptly linked arms and stormed off, leaving two very confused inu in their wake.

Sesshoumaru rounded on Inuyasha, his youki rippling with rage.

"This...catastrophe is what you call Narakuing?"

"Fuckin' rights. Best damn Naraku I've ever had, too."

Yes, he knew it sounded...odd, but he said it anyway. And yes, Sesshoumaru knew what he was about to say would sound...odd, but he said it anyway.

"You had no right to Naraku here."

"Baka no Fluffy...You can Naraku wherever in the hells ya want. Every serious Narakuist knows that."

"Tell me you did not just say 'serious Narakuist'."

Inuyasha just smirked and Sesshoumaru spat,

"I take some small satisfaction in the knowledge that your _friend_ Naraku has fallen apart. No more traipsing off into the woods, hunting Naraku for you."

"Your _otoutosan_ ain't looking too good, either, Fluffy. Guess we won't be seein' your smug face in Kyoto anymore."

The stripes on the inuyoukai's cheeks widened and became jagged as he ground out,

"And then there is your deplorable treatment of Kuramoto-san. To take advantage of one who is so innocent, especially one who is this Ken's ward."

"Look who's talkin'! You seduced The Shikon no Miko, the purest soul in all of Japan, who just happens to be my cousin!"

"I desire Kagome for my mate."

"Well I want Rin for mine!"

He stalked into the room and fell on the mochi. Sesshoumaru, entering behind him, barely repressed a sneer.

"How can you eat at a time like this?"

"Food is love."

_Ah, there you are migraine. How I've missed you._

"Inuyasha, leave."

"Fuck no! I haven't had dinner yet!"

He replied, stuffing another mochi in his mouth as he added,

"'Sides, that drunkard's christenin' me 'Sesshoumaru' at five-forty-five."

"He is christening me 'Sesshoumaru' at five-thirty."

Inuyasha, his mouth stuffed with sweet, sticky rice, tried to say something but Sesshoumaru ignored him and continued,

"It makes more sense for me to be christened. I have no reason to believe that Toutousai ever had me christened. You, on the other, were undoubtedly christened."

A giant gulp of tea washed the mochi down and Inuyasha managed to say,

"Exactly. I know I can handle it. Kami only knows what'll happen to that fur of yours it if gets wet...and we all know how wet dog smells."

"Baka no Inuyasha. You are also—"

"Only half dog demon, remember? It'll be worse for you than for me."

There were many things Sesshoumaru could take. Flowers in his mane, braids in his hair, Jaken...but jokes about the scent of wet inu were not among them.

"Inuyasha..."

He rose with fluid grace and set a hand on the hilt of Toukijin in an unspoken challenge to the young hanyou. Inuyasha, never one to back down from such a challenge, accepted eagerly, and the two were soon tearing up the exercise field.


	5. Act III

The Importance of Being Sesshoumaru

A Trivial Comedy for Serious People

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Cast:

Earnest Worthing: Inukai Sesshoumaru

Alergnon Moncrieff: Tsuruga Inuyasha

Gwendolyn Fairfax: Higurashi Kagome

Cecily Cardew: Kuramoto Rin

Dr. Chausible, the younger: Kaza Miroku

Dr. Chausible, the elder: Kaza Mushin

Ms. Prism, the younger: Hirai Sango

Mrs. Prism: Hirai Kaede

Gen. Moncrief: Lord Inutashio

Bunburry: Naraku

Lady Bracknell/Aunt Augusta: Nigen Kikyou

Lord Bracknell: Nigen Suikotsu

Merriman: Jaken

Lane: Myouga

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Disclaimer:

I own nothing herein, save the idea.

**Lots** of tweaking in this section. I couldn't help myself. sheeps

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ACT THREE

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In the shelter of the gazebo, Kagome and Rin contemplated their situation and the men responsible for it.

"The fact that they didn't follow us does show that they have some sense of shame."

"Hai..."

Sighed Rin dejectedly.

"Still, I was rather hoping they would."

"So was I."

Admitted Kagome. The other girl turned to her then, the light in her eyes dulled with worry, and asked,

"What shall we do, Kagome-onee-chan?"

"I don't know, Rin-chan. I really d—"

Another slew of obscenities assailed their ears and before either of them could react, Inuyasha came sailing into view, a transformed Tetsusaiga clutched in one hand. He slammed into a tree not far from the gazebo and Kagome recognized at once the approaching youki.

"Oh for the love of..."

If only she had thought to bring her bow and arrows.

She rose from her seat and stalked over to him, just as Sesshoumaru landed, a glowing Toukijin clasped firmly in one hand, and demanded hotly,

"What are you baka no inu doing?"

Inuyasha got to his feet and prepared for another round as Sesshoumaru replied coldly,

"Woman, do not interfere. This is between the two of us."

"Like hell it is!"

Rin exclaimed, ignoring the blush staining her cheeks at her own outburst as she went on,

"By lying to us and marking us, you've involved us in this too, Oji-sama, whether you like it or not."

"Rin—"

Much to his surprise, she ignored his stern, paternal tone and rounded on Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha, why did you pretend to be Oji-sama's brother?"

His face steadily turning the color of his gi, he answered softly,

"'Cuz I wanted to meet you."

"Oh Inuyasha!"

She flung herself at him and knocked him to the ground, her arms tightening around his neck as she confessed,

"I really do like the name Inuyasha. It suits you."

"I like the way you say it."

Not wishing to develop cavities, Sesshoumaru turned from his ward and the hanyou to look at Kagome, who seemed deliciously nervous.

_Of course, she is always delicious._

"Why did you...go through all this?"

"Because once I sme—saw you, I realized I could have none other for my mate, and determined to do whatever necessary to have you."

"Oh..."

She stood perfectly still as he approached, sheathing Toukijin as he did so, and made no attempt to move away when he took hold of her upper arms to raise her onto her toes. Bending slightly so as to be at her level, he assured her,

"And I will have you."

His features were as stony as ever, but there was something dark and sinful burning in his eyes, and the heat that spread from his hands coiled deep in her belly.

It took a Herculean effort to form a coherent sentence.

"But you—who are you, really?"

"After tonight, I will be Sesshoumaru."

He leaned in close, his breath tickling her ear, and added,

"After tonight, you will be mine."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The happy if sexually frustrated couples reentered the castle arm in arm to find a very bored Kikyou waiting for them in the study.

"Sofu-dono!"

"Kagome."

"Aunt Kikyou!"

"Inuyasha."

_Miko bitch._

Kikyou's eyes narrowed just a fraction at Sesshoumaru, as if she'd sensed his thoughts, but his face remained impassive, so she turned her attention back to her wayward daughter and nephew, who were staring at her with near matching expressions of horrified shock.

"Why is your aura so tainted with his, and his with yours, Kagome?"

"Inukai-san and I are to be mated, Mama."

Those cold grey orbs returned to Sesshoumaru and the former miko said icily,

"You are to have no further contact with my daughter. Starting now. Release her at once."

"I have marked Kagome as my intended mate, and as you well know, that is not something that can be revoked."

If only she'd thought to bring her bow and arrows!

"We shall see."

Inuyasha had just started to hope that she'd forget about him, but when he saw her eyes settle on him, he knew he was done for, and his ears drooped accordingly.

"Inuyasha, has Naraku been troubling the villages in this area?"

"Iie. Naraku is...somewhere else. Dead, actually. Probably in hell, too, the bastard."

"That would be appropriate, considering."

Sesshoumaru added, to which they all, including Kikyou, nodded, before she remarked,

"His death was certainly sudden."

"Yeah, well, I don't need—I mean, I finally killed him."

Wondering if perhaps her nephew had really been dropped on the head as an infant as she had often suspected, she asked him,

"How is that he died?"

"Who, Naraku? Oh, he kinda just...fell apart."

"Fell apart? So the combination of the Kaze no Kizu and Bakuryuuha finally worked on him, then? Or was it the Kongousouha? The Dragon-scale Tetsusaiga, perhaps?"

Inuyasha wasn't sure why his aunt was so interested in his techniques, or how she even knew them all for that matter, and since he hadn't thought his story through, he replied ambiguously,

"It's like this, he couldn't live any more, so he just...died."

"I...suppose that makes sense."

Kikyou pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting the headache that loomed somewhere behind her eyes, and tried to focus on something other than Naraku.

"Inukai-san, I must ask...who is that young lady to whom my nephew seems so...attached?"

"Kuramoto Rin, my ward."

"She's gonna be my mate."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Inuyasha has marked me as his intended mate."

Rin offered fiercely, not really liking the way Kagome's mother was glaring at Inuyasha, or herself, for that matter. Kikyou, for her part, managed a cold little smile and replied,

"Truly, there must be something in the air here in the Saigoku. Does mating season come early in this part of Japan?"

Kagome barely repressed a groan of humiliation at that remark. Really, her mother could be such a b—

"And pray tell me, Inukai-san, is the Kuramoto clan connected in anyway with sword making? I only ask so that I might have all the facts. Until yesterday, I wasn't aware that there were clans originating from volcanoes."

Centuries of control kept him from transforming and devouring Kikyou whole. But only just.

"My ward is the granddaughter of the late Saitou Hajime, of the—"

"Shinsengumi."

Kikyou breathed, actually impressed by the lineage of the girl plastered to Inuyasha's side like a wet yukata. Satisfied that her nephew hadn't chosen someone of weak blood, since she suspected the hanyou would want to try that life-bonding spell she'd told him about once, she rose as if to leave and stated with finality,

"Kagome, it is time for us to leave."

"But Kaa-san—!"

Ignoring her daughter's outburst, Kikyou carefully smoothed the wrinkles from her kimono and asked rather offhandedly,

"By the way, Inukai-san, does Kuramoto-san have any fortune?"

"Indeed she does, Nigen-kou."

He dragged himself from Kagome's side to snatch a scroll from his desk, which he handed to Kikyou with the explanation,

"I do not think it proper to discuss such matters in front of guests."

The former miko arched an eyebrow at the thinly veiled insult and concentrated on the sum presented her, certain her eyes deceived her.

"This cannot be—"

"It is."

"But that's—"

"The reward for Aku Soku Zan."

He replied coolly as he snatched the scroll from her hand and returned it to its place in his desk. With a heavy rustle, Kikyou dropped back onto the cushion, her eyes wide and a little glassy. Inuyasha and Kouga, working together, would not be able to gamble all that money away.

Perhaps she had been too hasty.

"Kuramoto-san is actually rather pretty now that I look at her, though she seems a bit...wild."

Rin tried, as inconspicuously as possible, to smooth her hair and kimono at the same time without letting go of Inuyasha, as Kikyou continued,

"I know of a few geisha, in Gion, who could do wonders with you, child."

Turning to her nephew, she assured him,

"I am confident that in a short time, she could be presented at court. I see distinct social possibilities in her, Inuyasha."

"But I like her the way she is. And you know how I feel about society."

"Hai, and as I have told you before, only those who cannot get into society are against it."

Inuyasha's ears flattened on his skull and it was all Rin could do not to pet them. Her poor Inu-kun! Why was his aunt being so mean to him?

"Kuramoto-san, Inuyasha has nothing but Tetsusaiga, dumb luck and stubbornness upon which to rely...though I have no tolerance for mercenary marriages. When I married Suikotsu, I had no fortune of any kind, but I never dreamed of allowing that to stand in my way. So I suppose I shall have to give my consent."

"Arigatou, Aunt Kikyou."

"Arigatou gozaimasu, Nigen-kou."

Rin finally let go of Inuyasha to give Kikyou a proper bow, to which the former miko replied,

"You may call me Aunt Kikyou."

"Arigatou, Aunt Kikyou."

"Now then..."

Kagome and Sesshoumaru, having realized no one was paying them attention, had long since ducked behind one of the bookshelves and were well on their way to being more than _intended_ mates, as Kikyou began lecturing Inuyasha and Rin.

"The mating ceremony should take place as soon as possible. I am not in favor of long betrothals, as they give a person too much time to find out the other's flaws before they are married, and that is never a good idea."

Sesshoumaru emerged from the bookcase then, his kimono and kosode open and untucked from his sashinuki, and said icily,

"I hate to ruin your plans, but Rin cannot be mated to Inuyasha without my consent until she comes of age, and I refuse to give that consent."

Dumbstruck, Rin could only gape at her guardian, while Inuyasha could only wonder how he and Kagome had managed to be so fucking quiet. Kikyou had other things on her mind.

"Why would you refuse Inuyasha? He is your friend, after all, and he is ridiculously eligible. Look at him. He has to beat the girls off with Tetsusaiga."

"That may be, but the plain truth is that your nephew is a liar."

Kikyou's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I admit, he has his flaws, but he is most certainly not a liar."

"But he is. While I was away, he entered my home by pretending to be my younger half brother. He worked the cooking staff to the bone, destroyed half my sakura arbor—"

"I wasn't fighting myself, Fluffy!"

"Worse, he seduced and marked my only ward. And what makes his behavior unforgivable is that he knew all the while that I had no younger half brother, for I had told him so myself yesterday."

"Inukai-san..."

The former miko's tone was pensive, as though she had considered what Sesshoumaru had said quite seriously...and then she told him,

"I have decided to overlook Inuyasha's conduct towards you."

"You truly are a generous creature, Nigen-kou."

Began Sesshoumaru, adding extra emphasis to 'creature."

"However, it changes nothing. I still refuse to grant my consent."

"Rin, you're sixteen, ne?"

"Hai, but I always say I'm nineteen when I go to parties."

Inuyasha glanced up at his aunt, who seemed pleased by this information.

"Good for you, child. No woman should ever admit to her real age. It seems so calculating."

She gave Sesshoumaru another frosty smile and said,

"She is, by law, of age, Inukai-san."

Kikyou waited for him to respond, but he seemed rather distracted by something, and was actually about to duck back behind the bookshelf when she cleared her throat. With a low growl, he replied,

"Her grandfather's will sets the age of consent at thirty."

And _then_ he ducked back behind the bookshelf. Kikyou did not appear to notice. She was too busy calculating how much Rin would be worth in fourteen years.

"Inuyasha..."

Rin set a soft, warm hand on his jaw and asked him softly,

"Would you wait for me until I was thirty?"

"Rin...I'd wait for your reincarnation, pinned to a tree by a miko's enchanted arrow for fifty years."

She was touched, but it was just a little creepy, the way his eyes glazed over when he said that...Besides, she was not the patient type.

"Inu-kun I don't want to wait!"

"But—"

"I want you to mate me right now!"

"For fuck's sake, Rin! _Now_!"

His face on fire, his eyes darted about the room, taking in his aunt, The Bookcase...

"Inukai-san!"

An irritated snarling sigh was heard, followed by soft giggles, and Sesshoumaru, now missing his kimono and kosode altogether, stepped once more from behind The Bookcase to face Kikyou.

"Nigen-kou."

"Your ward wishes for my nephew to mate her immediately...perhaps a little _too_ immediately for my tastes, but nevertheless...I must implore you to reconsider your decision."

"The matter is entirely in your hands. Drop your ridiculous objections to my taking Kagome as my mate..."

And here he drew a half-naked, fiercely blushing Kagome out from behind The Bookcase for emphasis.

"And of course I will allow Inuyasha to mate Rin."

"That is out of the question."

"Then I suppose we are all destined for celibacy."

Not that anyone in the room _believed_ him...

Kikyou gathered herself to her full height, her irritation flaring anew at the realization that the damned inuyoukai was still at least two heads taller than she, and snapped,

"Kagome, compose yourself. We are leaving."

Miroku chose that precise moment to waltz into the study, shakujo jingling and his most recent slap mark from Sango still stinging, to announce,

"Mushin has everything in order for the christenings."

Again, Kikyou felt her knees buckle. There was only so much a former miko could take in one day.

"That seems a bit premature, wouldn't you say?"

The monk, his gaze riveted on Kagome's creamy thigh, replied,

"I'm thinking not."

"Kaza-san, what would Hirai-san say if she saw you ogling Kagome-onee-chan?"

Miroku's head whipped around at that and he forced a nervous smile.

"Ah, Rin-chan...I was just—"

"Hirai-san? Did you say, Hirai-san?"

"Aa."

He nodded, his brow furrowing at the cold look he was receiving from the woman in the wine colored kimono. It unnerved him to hear his Sango's name spoken in so hateful a tone.

"Is this Hirai-san a member of your household?"

"Iie, she works for Inukai-san."

A communal groan went up and all eyes, even Miroku's, turned once more to The Bookcase.

"Inukai-san."

Without coming into the open, he replied,

"Hirai-san is Rin's tutor. She was previously—_Stop that_—employed as a taijiya in the North, but following the peace she and her brother Kohaku came—_I am trying to concentrate, woman_—here with their mother, Kaede."

"Hirai Kaede. I must speak with her."

"I'm afraid that's impossible."

Rin interjected, drawing everyone's attention away from The Bookcase.

"Kohaku-kun always takes Kaede-obaa-chan to Hokkaido this time of year, so his mother can pay her respects to her ancestors."

"Then I would speak with her daughter."

"Miao!"

"Kirara!"

"Ah, here she comes now."

Miroku said with a smile, as Kirara scampered into the room, followed closely by a boomerang-less Sango. Her eyes latched onto the monk's and she began,

"Houshi-sama, I've been waiting for you."

He was at her side in an instant, one hand holding hers, the other gloved hand inching lower and lower...

"Aa, my Sango-chan...you needn't wait much longer."

Slap!

Kikyou began to wonder if there really _was_ something in the air...

"Hirai-san."

Instantly, Sango's spine went rigid and her gaze shifted from the perverted, probably masochistic houshi to the cold noble at the other end of the study.

"Hirai-san, tell me...What did she do with the pup?"

Sensing that this was some sordid tale not meant for virgin ears, Inuyasha instinctively tucked Rin's head under his chin and covered her ears, his own pressing tightly to his skull.

There was a heavy clatter from behind The Bookcase and Sesshoumaru's obi fluttered out.

Miroku wondered why neither of them had gotten slapped.

Sango cuddled Kirara to her and tried to lose herself in the nekomata's fur as Kikyou continued,

"Two hundred years ago, a woman known as Hirai Kaede left the home of the Inutaisho in charge of a male inuyoukai pup and the Tenseiga. Neither ever returned. Some weeks later, the Tenseiga was discovered, peace-bonded, in a shrine near the Rashomon Gate, but the pup was gone and so was Kaede."

Kikyou rose and glided across the room to face Sango.

"Tell me, Hirai-san, what did your ancestor do with that pup? I have a feeling that you know."

"Nigen-sama...As it all happened long before I was born, I can only tell you what I have myself been told..."

Sango's brow knit, and she did not reject Miroku's comforting arm around her shoulders as she explained,

"My ancestor Kaede actually left with _two_ swords, the Tenseiga and another sword, the name of which I do not know. She was supposed to keep the healing sword with the pup, so that he could grow used to it and the energy it gave off, and take the other sword, a sword with a jaki so fierce the Inutaisho himself had to place a ward on it, to the temple to be purified. But in a fit of madness for which none of the Hirai clan can ever be forgiven, my ancestor took the Tenseiga to the shrine and left the pup with the other sword."

There was a mad scramble behind The Bookcase and then Sesshoumaru emerged once again, tying the waist ties of his sashinuki.

"Where did she leave the pup?"

"Onegai, Inukai-san, don't ask me...it's too horrible."

"Taijiya."

Her head snapped up like a soldier's and he repeated his question.

"Where. Did she leave. The pup."

"On the side of a mountain."

"What mountain?"

"Mount Asahidake."

Whispered Sango miserably, not even caring where Miroku's gloved hand was.

"How very interesting."

He stepped behind The Bookcase briefly and returned with Kagome, who appeared to be wearing _his_ kimono, and the Toukijin.

Kikyou dug frantically for the smelling salts she had started carrying since that incident with Jakotsu and the American sailors.

"Is this the sword your ancestor was supposed to leave in the shrine, Hirai-san?"

"It certainly looks like it, Inukai-san."

Sango stretched a hand towards the blade and Kirara's hair stood on end as the sword's dark red jaki became visible. The former taijiya immediately withdrew her hand and looked up at her employer.

"That is most certainly the same sword. No other blade has such a powerful jaki. But how is it that you are able to carry it, Inukai-san?"

"I suspect because it was made for me..."

He leveled his steady gaze at Kikyou and asked,

"Am I mistaken, miko? Was the Toukijin not forged for my hand?"

"You are not mistaken. Your late mother commissioned the sword, before you were born. She wanted her son to have a mighty blade, equal to that of his father's."

Her grey eyes shifted to Inuyasha, who was hopelessly lost at this point, before returning to the demon holding her daughter.

"Unfortunately, the sword smith went mad. It seems the jaki was too strong for him, and he killed your mother when she came to collect the sword. Naturally your father killed him, and it was his wish that the Toukijin be peace bonded and placed in a shrine. I can only imagine that it was the influence of the sword that caused your nursemaid to forget herself so tragically."

"Whoa—"

"You mean—"

Inuyasha and Rin gaped at Sesshoumaru, who stood in the middle of the room like some kind of infernal god, with a devil sword in one hand and half-naked girl in the other, as Kikyou explained,

"You are the eldest son of the late Inutaisho by his first mate, and consequently Inuyasha's half-brother."

"It is customary to give the bad news first, Aunt Kikyou."

"Fuck you, Fluffy!"

Ignoring his otoutosan's outburst, and trying desperately to ignore what Kagome was doing under the cover of his kegawa, Sesshoumaru inquired with amazing calmness,

"And my name? Had a name been given me, before my abandonment?"

"Naturally. Due to an arrangement made with your mother's father, you were to be given his name."

It was getting harder and harder to remember why he couldn't kill her, and even harder to ignore what Kagome was doing, but still he persevered.

"I trust you know my grandfather's name."

"I can't say that I remember it..."

Kikyou pursed her lips together thoughtfully. It was a name she did not care for, that much she remembered, but the actual name eluded her. Sango had no idea and not even Miroku, who had studied the histories of all four Cardinal Points, could recall the name.

And then the unthinkable happened.

"Chichi-ue married the First Princess of the East, ne? Shouldn't the guy's name be in one of those scrolls about the royal family?"

Inuyasha used his brain as it was meant to be used and there was much rejoicing in the land.

With Kagome snugly tucked away in his kegawa, Sesshoumaru plucked the appropriate scroll from a shelf and scanned it, searching for his grandfather's name. After a moment the outer corners of his eyes crinkled ever so slightly, and his lips twitched upwards just a whisker. His chest rumbled and then he let out a short bark of laughter before turning to face his astonished audience to say,

"Sesshoumaru."

"Sesshoumaru..."

Kagome drug out the syllables, letting them roll of her tongue, and tripped a finger down his chest.

Always having been of the opinion that fortune favors the bold, the inuyoukai turned to his _dear_ Aunt Kikyou and said,

"Tomorrow this Sesshoumaru will claim his title as taiyoukai and the Tenseiga. Tonight, he claims something else."

And without further preamble, took off into the forest with his intended-mate. In the uproar their departure created, Inuyasha and Rin managed to sneak away into another part of the forest, leaving Miroku and Sango to deal with a rather irate Kikyou. Half a jug of warm sake _convinced_ her to return to Kyoto, to inform Suikotsu and everyone else about the unexpected goings-on in the Saigoku.

Once she was safely in her carriage, Miroku prevailed upon Mushin, who had consumed far more than a mere half jug of sake, to bind him to Sango so that he could begin enjoying his marital rights.

_Fin_


End file.
